I am writing this in a desperate state, I feel suicidal and defeated. I can’t help help from my siblings with my mum who has dementia, I assumed after over a year of shielding my siblings would help us. They won’t, my sister is actively destructive. Mum has lived with me for 10 yrs, has Alzheimer’s and since my partner died of cancer almost 3yrs ago it’s been just me and her. I feel I’m at crisis point with nowhere to go.
You have done your share of care.
Sadly caring for someone with advanced Alzheimer’s requires a team of carers.
How to sort this quickly depends on mum’s financial situation.
Does she have over or under £23,000? Yes/No.
No she doesn’t have those amount of savings, she has had an assessment from social services about 6weeks ago and waiting to hear, her Alzheimer’s isn’t at its worse but has gone up a gear lately, I can leave her alone for short times but always worry when I do, my family tell me I should be strict with her when she’s difficult but I find it so hard, the worse thing I can imagine is anyone vulnerable feels like a burden, I try to never let her feel like that but lately to get her to understand I need support I have explained to her I’m her carer and all careers need breaks but it just offends her. I get medication to help with anxiety but feel something is gonna happen to me if I can’t get support and some freedom without guilt. Trying to get help but not sure what kind of help to ask for or how to explain how bad I feel.
I’m afraid dementia means that someone simply can’t retain information, explaining being firm just won’t work. They are not trying to ignore you or be difficult intentionally.
As mum has limited means, Social Services will fund some or all of the care she needs.
It is only a matter of time before residential care is inevitable I’m afraid. I know that is an awful decision to make. Other members who have faced similar problems will be along tomorrow.
Hi Sue
When your Mum had the assessment six weeks ago, were you open about the impact caring is having on you?
I would contact them again…check on when you will hear back.
I would also urge you to contact your GP.
Take care
If your siblings refuse to help, then they have lost their right to involvement in decisions about her care. They cannot tell you “you must” or “we don’t want”. It’s your life being devastated you must put yourself and your mental health first now. Doing nothing, putting a brave face on things, is not an option when you feel so bad. You need a break from it.