My dad has alcohol-based dementia and severe liver damage. I am his health and finance LPA, and organised 30 hours of care for a week and got grab rails fit in the house.
A month ago, his partner N blockaded the carers and verbally abused them. She also has refused giving them Keysafe entry, preferring instead that her friends have access. The carers had to call the police one time, because after that she just shut them in the house.
A few weeks later, the care agency received a letter “from” my dad cancelling his care, on the same day that the bank received a letter revoking my Financial LPA. My father does not have the capacity to write a letter. Furthermore, whenever he is asked why he cancelled the care he says he wants to keep his partner happy and that “people who come to the house” (ie. her friends) tell him he doesn’t need it.
I called Social Services and they are in the process of a safeguarding investigation. The carers have reported numerous instance of coercion and abuse on his partner’s side, including one incident where she thought they had gone, and they heard her telling my dad that I was stealing (I got investigated by the police and they found nothing) and that she would not be happy until he removed the carers. My dad is visibly scared of her and won’t speak when she’s in the room.
Social Services said that my dad needs care and it can’t be stopped, but the ongoing issue with the bank, means that his care invoices aren’t being paid. I used to pay them weekly via bank transfer. Now I have to pay them by emailing them to the bank, which they delay until it goes into collection. Because I am Health LPA I am liable for my dad’s care bills and have had it a few times where I nearly had to use my own money to pay the bills. I have felt rather resentful about this, and spent 10+ hours ringing the bank each week, chasing them to pay the invoices.
Despite multiple complaints on my part and pressure from Social Services and the Court of Protection, bank aren’t doing anything. I’ve registered three formal complaints, have been waiting 3 weeks for a call from the manager explaining what’s happening and am getting a lawyer on Monday.
Looking at my dad’s care notes, his partner, despite the intervention of Social Services, N is still requesting the carers be removed and that she become his sole carer. Even more suspiciously, I found out from Social Services that she has repeatedly refused Carer’s Allowance despite being offered it. Additionally, despite requesting the care be stopped as he doesn’t need it, she is hiring her “own” carers, who come in and that she pays with cash. The Care Agency are very worried about my dad, because when they started N would get angry with them for not treating my dad like she does, e.g. shouting at him, forcing him into the bath, etc. The difference in his life, hygiene, confidence after the care agency got involved was night and day.
Social Services are still doing their ongoing investigation (it’s been four weeks) and I am collapsing with stress. I still work full-time and have multiple chronic health conditions. The police are also involved, and I am getting a lawyer on Monday. I also have sought advice from Age UK - who suggested the lawyer. I’m having a nervous breakdown. It was seven months of hell sorting out my dad’s care, house, debts, etc, and as it looked liked everything was finally sorted, the letters cancelling his care and my LPA came out. I was treated like a criminal for weeks, this really hurt as I’ve been working unpaid for him for months, genuinely doing my best to help. The Social Services investigation is so slow. I just want this to be over, and can’t understand his partner’s behaviour beyond her just trying to get back control.
Has anyone ever had a situation like this?