My wife ( my piglet) has had a diagnosis of dementia since last August (2022) but it’s been longer than that by a year or more. Anyway it is slowly getting worse couple of months back she suddenly said where do you live and where is your car, ( we have lived together in this house fo 43 yrs now and have only one car since i retired 13yrs ago) Then it was won’t your family worry where you are and what about the money you are spending won’t they worry where it’s going. This has progressed into piglet believing that i don’t know what the house was like when she/we moved in and how it’s changed and what we have done to it. This of course is not all the time but it is getting more often. One can and does gloss over or skirt around it but it is very disconcerting and worrying as to how far it will go and what course it will take. Any one have any ideas please?
Sorry to hear that your wife has dementia. My advice is contact the carers hotline, they will give you good sound advice. I would speak to the gp as if she is getting worse as you are describing then she might have to go to a special place in a homes or unit that cares for people for dementia I am afraid as she might get beyond your control as time goes on.
Tonebear,
I don’t have experience of caring for someone with dementia; others will be along who do.
Sounds like you are doing the right thing. The advice is not to correct or challenge.
Susieq recommends the book Contented Dementia by Oliver James. I was curious so bought it secondhand. It makes a lot of sense and gives good advice, covering issues like you describe. It’s easy to read.
Hi Tonebear
Thinking back years, my grandmother had dementia, but in those days it wasn’t recognised. Thankfully she regressed to a happy time in her life - about 1932 and the only thing which upset her was the date on the newspaper being wrong. That was an example of ‘Contented Dementia’, unlike my Dad who became argumentative and upset by very minor things.
I agree with Melly, the best thing is not to correct or challenge comments as this can cause further upset and rows. Gentle reinforcement of facts can help without appearing to be pushy.
I can’t offer much more advice, other than avoiding some mistakes with Dad I made through tiredness and lack of time to spend with him as I was working full-time. I found the most distressing thing was when he started to make nasty comments, belittling me and criticising everything I did. It is not easy not to react in such situations. My failing was not to seek help and that was my downfall. I recommend you make use of the Carers UK helpline and also check out Specialist support to families facing dementia - Dementia UK
On the forum you’ll find a great deal of support and a chance to let off steam if you need to.
Best wishes
Hello Tonebear
Sorry if have mentioned this to you previously.
My late hubby confabulated loads. At first he had delirium and was saying he had been thrown in a cellar with rats. I used to say it was his medication that he had taken late so causing bad dreams. Later on he would tell me all sorts when in the home. Been to Barcelona yesterday…went to the club last night. I always went along with it because he truly believed he had. If some awful I would revert back to medication. Usually he believed me. Often asked if I had seen his Mother. I couldn’t tell him she had died many years ago and cause him to grieve again. Used the weather as an excuse or she had gone to the deaf club ( both his parents were completely deaf) That seemed to satisfy him. I called them kind lies