Hello,
I just wanted to see if anyone else in this situation as I am finding it very hard and would really love to hear if anyone has any advice.
When me and my partner first moved in together he had a part time job so had a little money of his own and even to contribute to household costs as and when possible. But that job ended over two years ago and he has been unable to get another due to ill health. However because I am working and earn over the threshold of about £17k a year or whatever it is, he is not entitled to any means tested benefits. This means he is effectively entirely financially dependent on me. I find this quite hard myself because it would be preferable to me that he contributed financially. But even more than that I feel guilty and conflicted that he is in this position of being so reliant on me. If he wants something I try to let him have it as much as I can but money is tight and he doesn’t always like to ask. It’s a difficult dynamic that he has to ask rather than simply being able to make his own choices about his money as most people do.
Sometimes I worry my role could be seen as effectively controlling or even abusive, even though I never wanted it to be this way. I have even said to him I would understand if he moved out so he could claim something but he doesn’t seem to want that and honesty I wouldn’t either as we like living together. People often seem surprised if they find out how we live. Either because they didn’t realise the benefit system worked this was or because they say it sounds unfeasible or untenable. I would have said the same until I found myself in this situation. I’m not sure if I sound really ungrateful here because I am lucky to have an income, probably more than many households who are eligible for benefits. But it’s the imbalance it creates that is so hard for me, and probably for him too.
I am not sure what I am looking for except perhaps to find out if this situation is so unusual or not and how others might cope.
As an addendum I am aware PIP can be claimed without means testing and that is potentially something that we could perhaps explore again but doing that is a lot easier said than done and would ultimately be for my partner to decide not me.