Choosing a new next of kin dilemma

Haven’t posted anything for a while as things had been pretty intense. Condensed version of events are mum went into hospital from her flat in an extra care housing scheme in November 2020 due to heart failure complications. When mum was home, I did the majority of the caring alongside the on-site care team and my brothers would talk to her daily and visit twice weekly. It was decided after an in-patient assessment that mum couldn’t return home due to her increased nursing needs, so was sent to an out of borough care home initially for six weeks but due to lockdowns was stuck there for five months! Mum was moved - after another assessment - to a local authority care home in April 2021 where she died in July 2021. I’ve been in practical mode ever since, as she left strict instructions as to what she wanted done.

Anyway, one of the things mum and I often talked about (apart from her dying) was how her grandchildren (apart from one) and daughter-in-laws rarely contacted her. My reply was always that while they ignored her when she was alive, I would not be attending her funeral as I was certain that they would all be there and she understood. Sure enough that was what happened!

So now my dilemma is that mum was my next of kin and due to the way the majority of my family treated mum I really don’t want anything to do with them and wouldn’t trust them to make decisions that were best for me. I don’t have many friends due to being so focussed on mum, so what to do?!

Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read my rant/dilemma!

Looby loo

Looby Loo,
I’m sorry to read that your Mum has passed. It sounds like you had a very close relationship with her.

I appreciate you don’t trust your DILs nor all but one of your nieces/nephews. Despite their wives/partners your brothers were still supportive of your Mum and involved- do you not think they would be the same for you, if recorded as next of kin?


Having had lots of problems in our extended family, I wouldn’t trust any of them. Fortunately, I have a very sensible eldest son.
You don’t have to have a “next of kin” recorded if you don’t want one.