Caring for the uncaring

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Hi, my name is Katie and im caring for my husband who has always been needy and self centred. Is there anyone else in my position?

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Hi @FG1, welcome to the forum. Yes if you read some of threads like the roll call you can see some similarities. Have you got any support or enough help?
All the best

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Yes, my mum was very self centred, had no idea how hurtful it could be. When I was newly widowed at 54, husband 58, mum started saying it was so unfair that dad had died at 78! It was one of the very rare occasions I couldnā€™t hold my tongue. I said ā€œDonā€™t you dare say that to me ever againā€ and walked out!

If you could give us a bit more information, ages, disability, we might be able to give you a few coping strategies.

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Hello Katie

I care for my mega difficult 85 year old non medically compliant husband so my heart goes out to you. Older ill people are often very self centred and selfish.
Do you get any help from friends or family? Agree with BB please tell us a little more and then we can make suggestions.

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Hi Katie - welcome.

Yep, my Dad when he was 92 lived with us for a few months as dementia set in (Iā€™ll use that as an excuse for him) and he turned form a friendly mild-manner gentleman to a grumpy, snappy, self-centred, moaning old man. He constantly criticised (you eat a lot of mushrooms, dont you - when we had mushrooms as a side dish twice in about a week! ā€˜Buying cheap meat again - this is shoe leatherā€™ - because he had no strength in his jaw and his false teeth were so worn down he couldnā€™t chewā€¦)

At one point he threw his dosset box across the room shouting ā€˜this damn things donā€™t do any goodā€™.

It resulted in us having a major falling out and he wouldnt speak to me again. Moved out and casued problems with another member of the family til he was moved into a Care Homeā€¦

Regrettably that sort of thing happens all too often.

Have you heard of ā€œThe Selfish Pigā€™s Guide to Caringā€ by Hugh Marriott? It is funny and poignant and proves you are not alone in that situation. Everyone on here can empathise with what you are going through, as you can see form the posts above.

Weā€™re here to share and help with comments and advice - or just a space to have a good moan with no judgement.

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