Can mum pay me for her care?

I care for mum and receive CA, my mum gets AA. My siblings and I are in agreement that I take over mum’s care ant do not go back to work. How can this be funded? We have looked at mum gifting money to me but it appears this is not enough.
Is mum allowed to pay me, any advice much appreciated.

A lot depends on mum’s circumstances.

Do you live with mum?
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings?

Has mum had a Needs Assessment from Social Services?
How much help does she need?

Hello, Angela. In addition to Bowlingbun’s points, I would ask a few further questions.

  • How recently did you stop work or are you still working part-time?
  • How close to your Mum do your siblings live?
  • How old are you?
  • How old is Mum?

You say you have agreed with your siblings. Are you completely happy with this agreement? I hope it is not their way of palming responsibility for Mum’s care over to you.

You need to consider your position if Mum were to pass away and you were still well below normal retiring age. Your income would come to a halt. You could find it difficult to get a job if you had not worked for many years. Have you considered continuing to work part-time?

I don’t live with mum. We alternate overnight care so I do 3 nights a weeks and will be doing the days from now, taking over from my siblings in the morning.
I took on roll as carer before covid as I had back surgery and was unable to return to the work I was doing.
It’s such a minefield and difficult to discuss money side of things with siblings.
My sister was sharing much of the care with me while she was on furlough, but now she is back at work we need to adapt and I am up for taking mum’s care on as long as I can earn and not live hand to mouth as I have been.
I understand mum can gift up to £3,000 per year which could contribute to some sort of payment.
Mum has over £23,000 savings and wouldn’t be claiming to pay for any sort of carer, it would be funded by her.
I’m 54 and mum is 89. Mum cannot be left alone, hence us alternating staying at hers overnight. She has alzheimers and is not very mobile due to osteoarthritis in her knees.

Does anyone have Power of Attorney?
I have an article somewhere written by a solicitor on this subject. I’ll try and find it.
Summarised as yes, you can be paid, and apparently don’t need to declare it for tax purposes either.
Make sure the rate is not more than the average rate in your area, and make sure that there is a proper “audit trail” so that if mum needs to go into care later, where the money has gone is easily identifiable.
Maybe write some sort of “time sheet”.

Dear Angela

I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum, what you are doing for your mum is admirable, I would suggest you contact our Helpline to discuss what benefits etc you would be entitled to. I also wanted to highlight some options for connecting with fellow carers, we are running various online sessions so that carers can come together, talk, share advice and tips and support each other. I’m sure you’ll find others in a similar position to yourself.

We have a social session called Care for a Cuppa that runs for an hour or so, when carers can take a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now. Here’s the link
Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions. Many of our carers have said how much they’ve enjoyed the sessions, please have a look at the link and see if one grabs your attention. We would love to see you there.

And of course there is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

with best wishes