I know this is going to sound very selfish and I apologize
I am the youngest and me and my husband have taken care of my mum for the past 30 years she has now lives with us for the past 4 years after becoming I’ll and showing signs of altzimers
She has now been diagnosed with part part altzimers and dementia brain shrinkage and arthritis all over
We have hit a crisis point I had a stroke we have a special needs son who has down syndrome epilepsy autism and many other illnesses
My mum is almost completely dependent she sees things makes our poor son’s life a misery he just sits up stairs now she is abusive sits up all night cannot take
care of herself at all now my husband’s I’ll we cannot cope
We have shouted from the roof tops for help it’s been a momth and we have just been given 4 weeks respite for this whole year I have begged them to put her in assisted living she would be taken care of better than I now can
I have got to the point we’re someone told me that when she goes into respite I can refuse to take her back home is that correct
I love my !um so much and have done everything that we can for her with no help but now I am asking no one will listen any advice would be brilliant as I feel we are in a hole and can’t dig our way out

No-one is under any obligation to be a care for anyone else. If you don’t want to do it, then make sure you tell whoever needs to hear it.

There could be financial repercussions, but only on whatever your Mum has, if she has less than £23,500 in savings and no property, then the financial burden shouldn’t fall on her…


Hi Ann

What a hard situation. But you should be so proud of all you have done. Do not feel guilty that you can’t go on. You have reached crisis point, Your own health as well as that as your son is the priority now. There should be a social services crisis team at your local authority. Call the switchboard and ask to speak to the duty social worker and tell them that they need to organise emergency respite as you are on the brink. Lay it on thick if you have to. Emphasise that the abusive behaviour toward your son has reached crisis point They have a duty of care to him. “Safeguarding issue” is always a good one to throw at them.

If you can get her into emergency respite this should give you breathing space to think about what is best for the long term. Fine a nice care home, or whatever is for the best. If she has dementia it may be that assisted living would only be a temporary measure?

I would also visit your GP and tell them that you can’t go on and see if they will back you up as well.

Sending support and hugs.

Not one bit, in fact I’d give you a medal for supporting mum for such a long time, as well as having a son with special needs.

My own son is 40, brain damaged at birth, he now lives in a flat with carer support.

Can I start by asking the age of each family member?

Does mum have over £23,000 in savings, or own any property?