Advance Payment of Care Home Fees during COP Application

Don’t doubt yourself. All of us on here agree this is NOT acceptable behaviour. What other service would you pay for that far in advance??? What other service would you be harassed in this way?? You are looking after your Mum’s best interests. Stick to your guns, you are doing a good job. Hold your head high. I HATE complaining, but have got quite good at it lately! It comes of having to I guess. Good luck x

So it was lovely to see Mum and my Sister, the first time all three of us have been together in ages. I told the SW about my concerns and she didn’t really take it in, I asked if anyone else had raised concerns, she just looked baffled and confused.


The whole meeting was about getting Mum home, we have an OT coming tomorrow to look at our home, the SW is looking at care packages for Mum and I’ve contacted a solicitor about Court of Protection…

Then I think we all know what happens next. Once I’m alone he appears. I was blatantly rude this time inbetween kissing Mum goodbye and trying to ignore him I told him the SW had told me not to pay the invoice, he then went of to phone social services and came back telling me safeguarding had told him something different to the SW who had left 30 minutes earlier, here is the treasure in the pot, he once again told me that it was in nobodys best interests to take legal action against my Mum.

When I told him she was fully paid until the end of February he had the audacity to say only January, when I told him I had receipts and it was the end of February he conceded. At that point I walked out.

Just to advance on my post, the only reason I went was due to the protection I had from my Sister and the Social Worker. I’d missed two visits previously due to this Man.

The SW went after an hour and my Sister left after 75 minutes, leaving me alone with Mum for 15 minutes until my taxi arrived…Am I paranoid that he instantly turns up once I’m on my own?

No, he’s a really nasty piece of work. Update CQC about the latest events.

I was surprised to see that mum may be coming home. How do you feel about this?

He’s actually now complained about our Social Worker for telling me not to pay the 9 month bill, in return she has reported him to “Safeguarding” with my comments about missed calls and late night visits. Lovely phone call today from her who finally understood that 9 months advance payment is ridiculous and she is standing up for me:-)

It took an e-mail from HIM to our Social Worker for her to actually realise what he is like, now I’ll just let him continue to dig his own grave.


In answer to BB I had an OT out today she can place a hospital bed in Mums room, a wheelchair cavater and 2 carers 4 times a day. If it doesn’t work at least Mum is out of this Mans grasp, he doesn’t see Mum, he see’s £4k a month lost, Mum wants to come home and if it doesn’t work at least we’ve tried…

I’m glad the Social Worker got the email direct from him, but she really ought to have acted as soon as you contacted her.

I hope all goes well with mum coming home.

Today the £36,500+ invoice has been replaced with an e-mail and a £200 invoice for money owed for hairdressers, chiropodists, clothes etc…

I’ve instantly replied saying I’ll happily make payment in the next few days.

Not a peep from the Manager for a week now other than his last attempt to bully me alone on Tuesday in person.

But now my Social Worker is taking it seriously and has complained to safeguarding about the late visits and constant phone calls. I’ve complained to the CQC as you know, I just want to see this nasty Man squirm.


He fully expected me to just hand over a cheque for £36,500 with a smile on my face, now he knows different.


I have all of you to thank, Jenny, BB and anyone I’ve missed for giving me the confidence to carry this through…

Stephen, well done. I’ve been fighting for so long now, it’s second nature, but I’d rather be sat in my sewing room doing some dressmaking for holidays. Not only have you stood up for mum, but in doing so, for others in the home who might not have a close relative like you.

Now it’s time to “sit back and watch the fireworks”!

Good for you! I’m so pleased you got this sorted. These situations make awful situations even harder. xx

Sally, you are brilliant, I’m sorry I missed you of my thank you list. But your advice about dealing with bullies inspired me, you deserve a special thank you…

Congratulations Stephen. It’s just appalling what you’ve been through with this person. Hoping for a calmer future for you and your mother.

Just an update,

Today I received a phone call from our Social Worker telling me the nursing home are claiming it is unsafe to discharge Mum to home, apparently one nurse in particular has been quite rude to the S/W on two occasions over this. Now I have to meet the S/W next Friday again, with another lady to put poor Mum through another bunch of questions to confirm what she wants.

The thing that really upset me is the home claiming I barely visit Mum, I only live 10 miles away from the home but suffer from ankylosing spondylitis and need to get taxis to and from, but despite this I tend to make it three times a week. My taxi driver went mad today and threatened to print of a list of all my bookings over the past six months to take in to show the home:-)

The S/W assures me this is nothing to worry about and we all agree it’s just the home desperate to cling onto a pay cheque. I’ve also been told my complaint about the manager is now with the safeguarding team and they will be ringing me to discuss it soon.

As for the nasty Man himself, he’s gone quiet on all fronts, I’m only assuming he knows a complaint has gone in against him, I’ve seen him twice this week and the “butter wouldn’t melt” facade has gone up again,

Sorry guys, this was meant to be a quick update, but I do rabble on.

Do you sign in and out when you visit your mother? If yes, there is a record of your visits (admittedly kept by the care home); if no then the care home has no record of who visits whom and when and that isn’t good from a safeguarding prospective in my view! It wouldn’t hurt for you to get a copy of your taxi trips and to ask for a receipt when you do go - as further proof of your going to visit. If the nurse who’s saying your mother needs to be in the home is employed by, or on contract to, the care home, there appears to be a conflict of interest. With all the stuff you’ve been through with this care home, I can understand that you want to get her out. I just hope you’ll have sufficient help at home.

Care Home visitors book ?

If not , a clear breach of Health & Safety … and common sense !!!

In the event of an enforced evacuation , without one , how would anyone know just who was in the building at the time ?

What next ?

No designated … and trained … fire officier ???

Obviously , not a 24 / 7 , 365 job … a deputy to cover ???

Just what I was thinking!

Common sense in careworld? A rare commodity!!

( carerland / CarerLand ? I knew I should have patented that word ! )

One , for once , enshrined in law !

Trouble is , how many out there take no notice ?

Perhaps we shall find out … at a Coroner’s Inquest ???

Me too. I have court of Protection for my husband. The yearly details I have to send include how many times he gets visitors. Never been asked to have proof to date, but how would I prove the visits if no signing in and out book.
When at work, people have to clock/ sign or whatever, in and out, not just for wages, but safety too.

I went to visit my friend’s father in care home in Florida. She was asked to check in on computer. When I used the same phone number to check in, the computer came up with an error because it wouldn’t accept two people with same address. I offered phone numbers in the UK and in California but to no avail, so I was allowed to just walk in!!!

Mmmmm … in the absence of anyone doing so at Government level ( Today’s joke of the day ? ) …
time for all readers with relatives / carees in these places to ask the question :

VISITORS BOOK … YES or NO ?

If NO , report them … DON’T leave it to others to do so !!!
( Even a YES answer … " Oh , could I see it , please ? I need to sign in. " )

By doing so , you may be saving lives down the line !
Golden Rule in CarerLand … if anything needs to be done , there’s only YOU to do it !

And … once you’re done it . you know for sure that it has been … and move on to the next pressing problem !

Cheers guys, yes two signing in books, one for staff the other for visitors. I never fail to sign in and out.

Mum has been away for close to nine months now and they are focusing on a period of eight weeks between late October and mid December when I had a bad fall and couldn’t visit, I phoned numerous times to let them know what had happened and asking how Mum was.

But it’s typical of the place to focus on this period rather than the 30 weeks before and after my accident when my visiting record has been impeccable.E.G. Sunday will be my fourth visit in eight days and I’m not doing it to impress them, it’s because I’m feeling well within myself and I want to see Mum.

The nurse is employed by the home, I’m assuming now that the manager has been silenced he has her on the case on his behalf.

I’m looking forward to a return to Carerland or Careworld, we have a new hospital bed, standing aid, wheelchair/commode, in the process of sorting a good care package (4 x 2 30mins with more available if needed). Despite the trouble with the bully boy manager, I’m well rested and raring to go again.


We have to keep smiling though, I woke up today to find half of my garage roof in my next door neighbours back garden, they weren’t happy. The fact I consider this to be a “minor issue” compared to Mums homecoming shows what us carers go through day by day:-)