Hello everybody, I’m Chris, 46 and and a carer for my mum, who’s 79 with mixed dementia. I’m really struggling to cope and then feel guilty for struggling to cope. The main problem is she wants me to care for her and won’t accept anyone else. I got social services involved and as she refused help they wouldn’t help. The main problems are she wants to go home, back to England, which is a problem as she’s been in Yorkshire for the last 30 odd years. Also, she misses her cats, which died out from old age years ago, which she’s forgotten about and thinks they were around this morning. When I remind her they’re all dead and buried in the garden she accuses me of killing them. She can’t cook or clean anymore but she thinks she still is doing so when I got a cleaner in she went ballistic saying she had only done it all a couple of days ago. You have to be careful with coffee, if it hasn’t been made with salt it may have been made with dog biscuits. She forgets to eat but thinks she has done so it’s a battle of wits at dinner time. She’s got no sense of privacy, bursting into the loo and just standing there staring into space is a frequent thing. If I go out she’ll phone up constantly so I get no peace or time off. I’d like to put myself in a home for respite care. Thanks for reading and letting me vent, and I hope I’m not whinging in self pity too much.
The title of your post is unusual, can you explain it to me?
Do you live with your Mum?
The wanting to go home, forgetting her cats have died etc are symptoms of the dementia. It’s kinder and easier to tell her white/ kind lies rather than correct her beliefs. What she believes is her reality. Say things like, oh the cats are out in the garden or hunting mice etc just now. Reassure her she’ll go home later/ tomorrow etc
Re getting her help, tell her you need help - start gradually and get her used to people coming in to support bit by bit.
Hello Melly, thanks for the reply. Yes I live with my mum. The thread title is BASIC computer language. It tells the computer to print “Hello World” and then repeat.
“whinging with self pity”?!?! No, you are a saint to put up with this.
Mum clearly has dementia. She needs a formal diagnosis, as there are many different types.
Can I ask a few initial questions to give us a bit more info.
Does mum own, or rent, he house?
Does she have over £23,5000 in savings? Yes/No
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Who is managing her money?
(I’ll be back later)