Why do they have to be so cruel

My son (20) has I believe several mental health issues he has been manic last few weeks and now is on a nasty binge threatening me with reporting me for illegaly filling forms out and other things (I’m not bothered cos I’ve done nothing illegal) bringing up every mistake I made as a single parent real and imagined also I’m not bothered as I’m only human and not perfect in anyway.

He don’t even remember things accurately like he thinks his dad left me but I left him as he was an addict and volatile…

How do u cope with it all?

Hi Lorraine,

Sounds like it’s time he moved out. Once he is fending for himself and having to do all his own chores, he’ll probably gain a better perspective.

If he has got undiagnosed MH issues then he may have to hit rock bottom to be diagnosed and get help.

Does he pay you keep? If you need your joint monies to keep afloat you could always take in a lodger.


I agree, if he feels he has the right to be so abusive, then he’s old enough to learn about the real world.

The longer he feels it’s OK to treat you like a verbal punch bag, the longer it’s going to take for him to realise he has to set his own boundaries about his own behaviour.

In a way, by allowing him to stay, it could be argued that you are enabling him to continue this horrible behaviour which is destroying you.

I did kick him out a few weeks ago. After he dented my tumble dryer and threw the contents of the bin across the room hitting his sister. Snarling at me because he lost his job in February because his sister was noisy in September! And that’s why he was mad. Telling us all we should lose our jobs and go on universal credit because we don’t deserve them.

He’s mad now because he didn’t listen to me about calling council and making a homeless application he decided to get a new job which made him exempt from hostel support now he’s lost this job because his mania has passed he’s now depressed and angry and blaming everyone else. His accusations and threats aren’t even accurate. But I think he talks to himself and takes his own word as gospel

Right now I’m not replying as it’s just feeding it. My cousin is trying to support him. Hopefully she’ll get somewhere

So hard I’m tryinG to do the right thing but I just feel empty atm

Lorraine, you are doing the right thing. Hold strong.


He would still be able to access a hostel and support even if he was working. The only difference would be that he would have to pay a portion of the rent (depends on how much he earns) unlike if he was on benefits, in which case, he wouldn’t have to pay the rent.

Although to be honest, no hostel would take someone who was violent or threatened people. They do police checks first and one issue would lead to a swift eviction.

If his mental health issues are that bad, have you suggested he goes to his GP about them? He may be able to access further support - community psychiatric nurse, counsellor etc.

Good luck.