Hi everyone
I sought out a support forum because I’m struggling to cope with and understand my partner’s depression.
We haven’t been together all that long but we’ve been close friends for over 20 years, and then it finally blossomed into something more.
I was aware of his MH history when we got together, and he credits me with ‘saving his life’ (no pressure!) We’ve always found it very easy to talk to each other about anything which I think is one of our real strengths, and has helped us both to get through his dark days in the past.
This recent spell though he has said he doesn’t want to talk about it which I find incredibly difficult because I just don’t understand it or know what to say or do. I’m a great listener - it’s basically what I do for work, and so when he doesn’t want to talk it feels like the coping mechanism has been removed. I feel lost and alone, afraid to make any conversation even small talk, and I feel shut out. This isn’t about me - but at the same time I have seen close friends with depression who’s partners have ‘lost’ who they were and become depressed themselves. I’m very aware that in order to support him I need support myself but I don’t really know where to go.
He reassures me constantly that he loves me, he will be fine, it’s not to do with me or us, and that he needs to do it alone…and I trust him and want to support him. I just need some advice as to how I can do this?
Any help gratefully received
Thank you, and hi!
Hi rosi welcome to the forum
I only know a little about depression so am no expert.
A friend of mine, suffered from the truama of her partner who had bouts of severe depression. She decided to stop asking him how he was feeling, anything she could do, that type of support. She apparently said I’m here when you a ready to talk. It was extremely hard for her, but as he came out of the dark time, he explained that it very much made his mood worse, made him feel a failure when she went on about it.
I’m not sure this is the correct advice, as my circumstances are different to yours.
I do know she became a less anxious person, by using that tact. Certainly monitored him. In the end he went for help from the GP.
I wish I could tell you how they are now, but they moved away, and we lost touch.
Others will be along to chat to you I’m certain.
You must look after yourself as you are important too.
Hello Rosi and welcome to the forum - we’re a friendly crowd and I’m sure others will be along to welcome you soon.
In the meantime could I please suggest that you change yur username to something less identifiable ? We don’t recommend using either using your real name or your email address.
Details on how to change your username can be found here:
Thank you for your reply
I thought I had changed my username…I never entered my email address so must have changed automatically with face recognition. Hopefully all sorted now!
Thank you Pet66
Totally understand what you’re saying. I have read on mind’s website about listening and not asking too many questions - but just being there, and have said this to him.
I guess it’s more around the person I am and how I need to understand something to be able to deal with it, but maybe I need to learn to deal with the uncertainty and just ‘be’ - be there, be non-judgemental etc.
Thank you for your wise words