Peter
You are far from selfish! I grieved for my pre stroke/ dementia relationship with my husband. I know relationships change over the years, but not the change you I and many others expect!!
Don’t beat yourself up about your feelings. You are entitled to them.
Can you access the stroke society as they talk through your anxieties as well as your partners?
I do feel for you
Peter, please don’t feel selfish your not on your own I feel just the same, and yes we are not allowed to grieve no one to open up and totally be honest with, it’s lovely to be able to talk to you all, your all so very strong and experienced at caring, thanks so much for advice I am going to look into it, and what a great idea like you said easy and life changing garden frees you up for other things, love this forum thanks so much again keep strong Peter
Thankyou,as regards to the Stroke society, it all can help, but inevitably cannot change the way I feel!
Yes,talking about it to someone does help, also makes you realize it’s not just you!
Hello,
Yes exactly it really does help, it’s a proper lonely place to be
It is a lonely place, all my thoughts are selfish ones! 
Peter I totally understand it’s so horrible a life changing experience such a quick blow, I’m 53 my husband is 63 he had a really severe stroke last year I’m his full time carer parent as you put it it’s horrible, no help very isolated I exactly know were you are coming from x
I too am 53 my partner is 60 and there is loads of advice and well wishing from family, and friends but words don’t help at all, in fact make it worse, I just don’t know where my lifes going, everything in my life has just been put onnthe backburner, there I go again being selfish! 
Sometimes if I go out in the car on my own to a shop or somewhere, for that short time I feel so free, it’s hard to explain.