Really not sure where to start. I’m 35 years old and still live at home with my 75 year old mum, 84 year old step-father and 47 year old sister.
Myself, mum and sister (to some extent) care for my step-father who has what we think is the beginning of dementia. He won’t speak to a doctor to get this checked. He shakes very badly and can be very nasty when you try to help him. He also has type 1 diabetes and doesn’t look after himself properly, leading to many hypos. Including whilst driving or having assisted falls and ambulance call outs whilst at the shops. Majority of the time they are in the middle of the night when I hear him pottering about on the landing trying to go to the toilet on the stairs or just having accidents. He also has quite a stoop, weak legs and trouble walking.
We have managed to get him to allow us to sort out a POA but he refuses to have it given to banks etc. It just sits signed in a box gathering dust.
After suggesting a trolley to assist with walking he berated us but bought one a few months later. Same with a trolley for in the house.
We’ve had to tidy up the house, the loft was full of rubbish and the floorboards were giving in. We had enough books to stock every library around us, but he never reads. We were told we took his soul away - that’s the thanks we got.
I have never really got on with him, he was hard to tolerate before he aged suddenly, but he is even more intolerable. We have numerous arguments and to be quite honest I would rather stay off the same floor of the house as him.
If it isn’t him having a hypo, being angry, swearing and slamming things or him rolling over my feet with his trolley it’s something else and we are sick to the back teeth of it. I think and voice some really nasty comments, being childish really, but it’s the only way to vent some frustration.
I’ve never moved out, unlike my sister’s, but am moving out in a few months and feel guilty leaving my mum looking after him. She is 75 herself and although reasonably healthy, she is tired easily and I think mainly tired of him. My sister is on benefits, barely helps, sleeps all day and claims she can’t do anything. How can I just leave and expect my mum to be ok? He will be the death of her. He is draining the life out of all of us.
I will be living over an hour away, another sister lives 40 mins away but doesn’t see the problem and his soon lives the other end of the country and just laughs at what we have to put up with.
Sorry for the essay, I just needed to write this down before it consumes me. The hatred/resentment I feel towards him is sometimes just unbearable. I feel silly even posting this when others are suffering more.