Mum refusing washing

Mum is incontinent with diarrhea in the night… We’ve just got the hang of the clean up routine, but she badly needs washing every morning, as is developing a very sore rash. Unfortunately, it can take all day to persuade her to let us wash her… while the rash gets worse and she gets more sore… Any tips appreciated.

Gosh I wouldn’t know where to start with this one because even when her dementia really deteriorated my Mum always liked to be clean and fresh.

What about playing some background music she likes while you try and do it as quickly and gently as possible. Music always soothed my Mum.

The music sounds a good idea to keep your Mum calm, try Conotrane Cream for the soreness I use this cream for my mum daily to prevent any redness or sores on her bum, your GP can prescribe it for her.
Hope this helps

Caring for someone with this level of dementia is tough. Have you asked for help?
Is mum getting Attendance Allowance?
Claiming exemption from Council Tax?
Are you claiming Carers Allowance?
When did you last have a holiday?


sometimes focusing on what will happen after the personal care routine will work e.g. let’s clean you up and then we can have a nice cup of tea and some biscuits or let’s get your wash over with before your favourite TV programme comes on etc However, it might be worth considering having a Needs assessment for her and a care worker coming to do your Mum’s personal care. Some elderly people respond better to a care worker in a uniform than to a family member.
One member who used to post on here a lot found that her Mum didn’t like showers because she found the bathroom too cold - getting an over door heater fitted made a big difference.


Would she be able to “have a go” herself if you put the sponge into her hand? And then once the process is started you can “just finish off for you?” So you are presenting it as if she is doing it herself and you’re just there to “help?”

I like Melly 1 advice too.