I dont know what to do.?

My husband David has vascular dementia plus he is also totally bedbound,and cannot speak .
3 weeks ago he was taken into hospital as his breathing was very laboured,within 3 days they discharged him saying he was fit enough,and I told them he was not fit to come home,and a physio woman said I was to take him home immediately in my car,i said,how on earth could I even get him in a car when he is completely immobile,so she said,well in that case you need an ambulance which you must pay for.
I then heard from an administrator who said we are discharging him today and if you wont take him we will put him into a home which you must pay for.
I have just phoned 111 as he is in a terrible state and they send someone will come…but no idea when.
I have made it clear that I will not allow him to go to hospital again as its cruel and he is far to weak to be pulled about anymore.
He is deemed to be End of life and enough is enough,he cannot be put through anything stressful again.
I am ashamed of the NHS…if David had never worked and paid taxes,and had been a layabout,he would be accorded every care available.
I must go now but will update later.

Hi Roddy,
How stressful and upsetting.
Your husband shouldn’t have been discharged like that and it sounds like it was an unsafe discharge. This could be challenged but I doubt you have the time nor energy for that.

What care package do you have in place at home and are you being supported by a hospice or palliative care team?

Do you have power of attorney for your husband and a DNR ? If so keep the paperwork to hand in case 111 call an ambulance.

Would you consider hospice or nursing home care for your hubby for end of life care? I know Henrietta did for her Father after caring for him for many years and it took the pressure off in those final few weeks and meant care and support was on hand at all times"

Whatever you decide, we are here to support you.



Two links which are of IMMEDIATE importance :
CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare :


Sections :


Palliative Care :

What end of life care involves - NHS
( For what it’s now worth , hospital discharges … the bible : Being discharged from hospital - NHS )

… and don’t spare the horses !

I am absolutely dismayed. There has been a complete and utter failure of all the systems designed to support you and your husband.
Firstly, your GP should have referred him for NHS Continuing Healthcare ages ago, from what you describe. That’s FREE healthcare either in your home, or residential care, whichever the patient and family consider most appropriate.
In time, complain to the GP and/or the CCCG locally.
Secondly, the hospital clearly didn’t follow any of the procedures they should have done.
When you have time, ring the hospital and ask the speak to the Chief Executive’s office and make a formal complaint about the nurse who decided it was OK to discharge him, and the OT.
It is disgraceful that you were bullied.
How did he eventually get home?
Social Services should have an emergency care team to keep people out of hospital, maybe ring their out of hours number if no care at all was arranged for him at home.
What do you want now, if not hospital, home nursing, a nursing home, or a hospice? A lot depends on what is most local with a vacancy.