Husband is making me want to leave!

Hi. I’m new here and I’m posting because I fell like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like my perfect little family has been ripped apart by my husband and I just don’t know if me leaving him will be for the best.
We have only been together for 3 years and just recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. We have a son together and a teenage daughter from my previous relationship. My husband is 3 weeks into taking his antidepressants (Citalopram) and I feel he’s getting worse not better. I know they can take a while to kick in but he just has completely withdrawn from everything. He no longer smiles or has any intrest in anything anymore. The only time he really gets hyped up is when he talks about fishing. It’s become like an obsession. He’s bought things he doesn’t need and has taken out credit to buy this stuff. (He’s been fishing 4 times since I’ve known him) My husbands grandparents recently passed away within 18 months of each other and he was very close to them, living with them for a few years before he met me. I know this has played a massive role in how he is now but it’s now having a massive impact on the entire family.

Our daughter has picked up on how snappy he can be and tends to avoid him as she says he moans at her for everything. I also am starting to feel this way. I’m constantly walking on eggshells and feel like he needs more care than both our kids put together. I find myself dreading him coming home from work or hearing how he “feels rough” I try to stay positive but it’s like talking to a brick wall.
I know I shouldn’t say this but I often feel like this is too much hard work. I’m constantly thinking about him and how he feels rather than doing anything for myself. I often feel lonely as he won’t watch tv with me or even sleep in the same bed. I guess being married isn’t what I expected it to be. We have no sex life and there are no dates out anymore. He’s not the person I fell in love with anymore and I somethings think it may be better for the kids and my own mental state if we were to split.

Please someone tell me it gets better as I can’t live my life like this anymore

I’m so sorry you are going through this pain. I cant offer advice, but its Saturday evening and I am thinking of you.

Hi there Andrea

I have been through similar, so I can give you my insight, if that might help at all.

First of all, I am so very sorry that this is happening to you and your lovely family. Depression is a debilitating, life-sapping, energy-less state of mind, that is difficult to fight - and awful for the people who have to live with the person with depression.
I suspect your husband is mourning the loss of his grandparents, and feeling overwhelmed by his marital responsibilities. Perhaps he needs bereavement counselling.

Secondly, don’t try to solve the “problem” by yourself: enlist professional mental health experts. Your husband may well be feeling so deeply depressed that he is considering taking his own life. He sounds deeply depressed. He is desperately trying to find a way out of the terrible blackness he is feeling. You all need a family counsellor, and he needs a psychotherapist (see your GP and see if they can get him a series of CBT sessions - they helped us enormously).

Thirdly: You have got to look after YOURSELF. Get yourself a counsellor if you can, and get out and do fun things with your children. There is nothing much that you can do to help your husband, except just LISTEN, and be there for him. In talking to someone and being HEARD, you will start to make sense of what is happening. Clarity will come. Don’t make any decisoins when you are emotional. Getting out into the fresh air and exercising in nature can help all of you with feeling better - could a camping trip - with fishing included - be possible?

Sending you strength, and love and best wishes. Please keep us posted. xxx

It’s OK to leave in the long run and probably in your children’s best interests but I think you should give it a bit longer for him to recover. Perhaps you and your children could go away for a bit or stay with relatives or perhaps your husband could. I’ve lived with a very depressed man for years and it’s hard and it’s lonely and I don’t have children to consider but this could be a passing illness that will go away with treatment so don’t give up on him yet. If you need a break from him take one but don’t make it too final after a few weeks, even if they have felt like a lifetime.