Hey…
Well in the last couple of days I’ve spoken to my friend…at first she was irritable and defensive and wanted to shut down the whole conversation…so I held back for a bit and gave her time to think about what I was saying and just get her head around it her own time.
Anyway we have been able to have really productive conversations and said things we have been feeling…but not said until now. I’ve told my friend that we don’t know what is coming next with her mums dementia but whatever it is, no matter how hard this all might become I’m right with her and it’s important that we keep being able to talk about things for everyone’s sake esp her mum.
Sorry for going on a bit there …
We haven’t had anything really on the practical side…I sent an email 2 days ago and asked if the house could be assessed for rails etc…someone came out today to have a look and said they will be assemble handrails no later than Monday.
Thank you,
I get what you mean…I really struggled for a while realising that I can’t do anything to get in front of dementia and can’t pre empt it or be ready for what’s coming next. As much as I want to be able to be ready for the next episode or put a plan in place to help whatever is next…the fact is I can’t…we can’t control whatever’s coming next with dementia. Your totally right, we haven’t failed at all we are human and doing our best to cope in an extremely exhausting situation.
It took me a long time to realise that if I don’t look after me I can’t look after anyone else…I hope u are taking care of u also
Best wishes.
For health reasons, I’m just a part time carer now, my son has his own flat and carers, but still wants me to do things for him, mainly because of his speech and language difficulties. At one time all four parents, all nearby, were ill all at once! Sadly my husband died soon after his dad from a massive heart attack when only 58. This is why I try to support carers in difficult situations.
I agree totally. My mum in law died after a long battle against dementia, finished off by a stroke, she lingered for a week. The home had tried to get father in law to think about which funeral director he would use, but he was “thinking about it”. He wouldn’t give anyone his phone number, but said they could ring us, and we’d ring him!
So we came home from a lovely summer day out, I checked the answerphone, and found a message saying “Your mother has died. What do you want us to do with the body?!”
Believe me, you want to avoid this situation at all costs. It is much easier to make final plans in advance for an elderly person, to think not only about which funeral director to use, but her favourite music, who to tell etc. Death is the only certainty in life.
My son has supported me sorting out all our relatives and he knows what to do and who to contact when the time comes. It will be much better for your friend when the time comes, to have some sort of plan in place. Cost will be a factor, and your friend needs to first consider what mum could afford.
Banks are allowed to pay a bill from a funeral director from the account of the deceased before probate is granted.
Hope that helps. Obviously, it’s one of those very delicate subjects to choose your moment for.