I used to be a member after my husband had a stroke several years ago, and now feel the need to come back and be with people who understand how things can be as a carer.
My husband did not have many lasting physical changes from the stroke, but changed mentally quite a lot.
He has Ankolysing spondylitis and has had two serious spine operations in the last two years, and we are just waiting for the third (most serious) in September/October.
In addition he has serious lung problems, with asthma and bronchiectasis, and has daily inhaled antibiotics along with a shed load of other drugs.
He only needs occasional personal care. I have responsibility for everything to do with our lives; home, finances, medical appointments, our three dogs etc., and I work part-time too.
Recently I’ve started to struggle with feeling overwhelmed with it all, so decided to come back here as it was such a huge help in the months after his stroke.
I don’t remember my username before, but I also used to attend a group and used the Carer Support centre near me.
We now live abroad where things are very different!
Hopefully it will be the last, but last time he had to leave hospital early because of Covid and had months and months of post-op wound infections, right the way through lockdown, so I’m hoping things don’t get worse again before this one.
He was in for just over three weeks last time (just under a week in ICU), this time should be about a month.
That’s exactly the right term ‘emotionally draining’. Thank you for understanding!
You’ve had a lot going on, no wonder you are feeling it’s getting too much.
Are you getting any help with housework etc. so you can have some “me” time?
How has it been living abroad, are you happy or does it make life even more complicated?
Thank you for noticing that, I, like so many others, have had a constant caring role for almost all my adult life (Mum died of cancer when I was 21, Dad had dementia and lots of health complications and just after died after my husband’s stroke, grandmother also had dementia and had to sort out all her affairs as we were moving overseas…) so it’s normal for me, but that doesn’t stop it being a lot (too much?!)
I love living abroad, but there are definitely complications; my husband doesn’t speak the language, so I have to translate for everything (mine isn’t fluent but getting better with all the practise!) and all the systems and supports are different, I do often feel like an ‘outsider’, although I have some good friends here.
Good point about the housework, we started having someone come a couple of times a month before the last op, and I think they managed three times before lockdown happened! I will definitely look into that again, thanks for the reminder.
I’m also taking myself away for a couple of nights away in a fortnight, I’ve arranged for my daughter to stay both nights (she lives about an hour away, but I’m so conscious of not wanting to put her into caring mode, as I didn’t get the choice when I was young) so I can’t wait for that.
In case you hadnt already known, just wanted to make you aware of a “Care for a cuppa” meeting on august the 2nd, if youd like to virtually meet or catch up with your fellow carers
