Doing the right thing


My wife seems to be at her worst in the morning and if I can’t enticed her out of the black hole she gets worse is this usual and does anyone have any ideas? I’m getting quite frustrated

Have you had a needs assessment or not?

Hi Chris,

welcome to the forum.

Can you tell us a little more? How old is your wife and what is her diagnosis?


My wife is in her late 50s, she has taken citolopram for over 10yrs and is now on 30mg she is suffering from ? Anxiety depression and is under her gp , basically we moved 200 miles to look at semiretirement after my wife put pressure on me to accept it was best for all including me and my wellbeing we bought a nice house not far from the sea and everything was fine she loved it and then when the holiday period ended she started to hate the house the people and the area she was home sick so after some pressure again we have put the house up for sale and plan to move back but this is not quick enough and she screams and shouts and physical attacks me, she’s not eating wont get out of bed all she says is she hates it , I have thought about shutting up house and moving back and renting but finances will be tight, why is she so scared ?

How many more times are you going to move to humour your wife?

I’ve met other people like this, moving backwards and forwards to Australia (!) but the poorly person is never satisfied because that isn’t really the problem or solution.

What started this cycle? What was she like in your early married years?
What has changed?
Have YOU had counselling to help you manage your wife’s behaviour. Personally, I feel that physical abuse is utterly unacceptable. My own marriage was very different.

My wife has always been a needy person and has suffered anxiety and panic attacks for years, she has never got on top of the problem and we have papered over the cracks previously but it’s about going forward and we have no paper left so we need a more permanent repair. But how do we cope while the repair is being made? And if at the end of it we have to move then so be it. Love is a strange thing

Counselling for you might be the tipping point.
It may be that by talking to you, the counsellor can help you to help your wife in some way?
I was never keen on the idea of counselling until I ended up in a “perfect storm”. Newly widowed, newly disabled, newly running a business on my own, with a disabled mum and disabled son. For me, it was life changing.

The real question is this, can you afford a care home or not? Have you considered counselling? Why do you keep moving for no reason too? Learn how to stand up and say no instead. I seriously recommend counselling or therapy for you. Talk to your GP and see what they can recommend.
Request a referral to your local community based mental health teams as well. A house is expensive.

She has a appointment with the gp on Wednesday and a counselling season the same day I’m hoping she opens up and is honest