Am I expecting too much or are carers pulling a fast one?

My 92 year old FIL with dementia has been discharged from hospital, following a fall, with a 6 week full care package (4 visits a day) provided free as an enablement package but through a private care company not the NHS’s own enablement team.

We thought this would give us a breather to assess his situation i.e. can he manage independently, for the time being, with carers coming in. Also presumably social services will assess at some point to see the same.

We plan to have him move in with us but it will take time to organize as we will need to convert a garage and put in a bathroom and we haven’t even started yet!

So far its been a week of them coming in 4 x day. Everyday they write that he, “declines personal care” which may well be true. But I wonder if they are offering the help in a way that a confused person with dementia can understand. When I talk to him later in the morning he tells me he wants a shave but hasn’t had the opportunity. When I mention the carers visit he says they never said anything about a wash or a shave. Obviously this could well be down to him but they have also recorded fictitious afternoon visits two days in a row that I know never took place because I was there all afternoon! One carer wrote – “assisted him to wash and shave” but it was the Home Helps morning and she came twice that morning and found him in pyjama top and pants no wash or breakfast! She called the manager of the agency and it seems that he had told the carer that someone was already there helping him (she had picked up the washing at 8.30 am). That could be a genuine mistake on the part of an inexperienced carer though it doesn’t excuse the fictitious note writing!

I certainly wouldn’t want to be paying for this level of care and am planning to install a Nanny Cam!! Wondering how common it is and what other peoples experiences are? Have I perhaps got unreasonable expectations of Home Care?

Please don’t move him in with you, you will regret it hugely. He needs residential care now carers on hand 24/7.

You are not asking too much. The care workers should have training and experience in dementia care and know how to communicate with your FIL effectively. If they are using terms like personal care with him I’m not surprised he declines.

Writing notes in the book that are fiction not is fraud and not acceptable. If I were you, I would contact the manager of the agency and raise these issues. I wouldn’t want the care worker who made up the notes back again and I would want care workers trained and experienced in dementia care.

I don’t blame you re the Nanny cam.


Thanks Melly

There are some care agencies that will just accept anyone off the street, you could be delivering pizzas or cutting hedges, next week you are a carer.
No experience of caring, no experience of illness, no experience of washing dressing someone but suddenly they are a carer.

There are agencies that only employ people with min 2 years experience and qualifications, these are the agencies that you need but often the council choose the cheapest, the result a lot of problems.

You need carers who are trained and experienced with Dementia.

Carers 4 times a day. That would mean you would be responsible 22 hours a day. Washing, feeding, bum wiping, doing all his laundry, trying to bathe him, arrange medication etc etc. No holidays or days out until he dies. That is the reality of moving him in with you. A garage conversion will take months, I sleep in my own “garage”. Now a lovely room with vaulted ceiling and en suite with washer dryer, but a lot of work is involved. Make sure you get building regs approval before you start. Be realistic. How old are you?