Please help me get some perspective on this and on what if anything I can do. My elderly mum (85, legally blind, limited mobility but still of sound mind) has recently met a man whom she seems smitten with despite not knowing much about him. He’s 86 and has had an amputation as a result of which he is waiting for a prosthesis. He seems to fight with everyone though so the whole business has been dragging on for months and he is therefore stuck in a wheelchair. Long story short his own house is a complete tip and mum has invited him to stay in her house (which she rents from me) as the hospital have now had enough of him. It’s supposed to be just for a few days but he is showing little sign of making plans to move on. She’s on benefits which will be affected if he stays any length of time. I’m extremely concerned as I have been warned by someone who knows this man that he ‘has a history of abuse’. The trouble is mum is enjoying having him in her life so I don’t want to be too heavy handed but of course I am desperate to make sure she is safe plus I don’t like this guy and I think he has longstanding mental health issues (not serious enough to lack capacity or be sectioned though). She has panic buttons etc in her house and he is stuck in a wheelchair so I don’t suppose he can really do too much but I hate this situation. How worried should I be and what should I do? Thank you so much anyone who can advise me how best to handle things or suggest people I could speak to.
Gosh, that’s a really, really difficult one! An utter minefield.
I think I’d start by considering the legal position. Look at mum’s tenancy agreement with you, assuming there is one? It’s YOUR house, and unless the agreement says anything different, what you say should be obeyed. If his house is a tip, what is going to happen to that, is it rented? Will he give up living there and move in full time with mum?!?!
He needs a carer, you certainly don’t need another caree!!!
I’d be prepared to stand up to him and tell him he must be out, even suggest he might be trespassing. As far as mum’s benefits are concerned, if she was seen as cohabiting, then that might have a catastrophic effect on her benefits, if her pension is reliant on dad’s contributions?!?!
Thanks Bowlingbun, yes indeed a nightmare! But thankfully have just heard that this guy’s GP visited today and is contacting Social Services. Hopefully they will assess his finances and help him decide what his options are. Yes, it is my house and mum utterly relies on me for all sorts of support so there are lots of ways I can assert power in this situation but ideally I would like to resolve things in a way that she doesn’t feel I’ve taken all her autonomy away or deprived her of something that important to her.
Keep us posted!