Virtual hug needed

Hi I’m Jay joined in 2014 and this is my first post
I am from Birmingham and I have cared for and still caring for my elderly parents with cancer and dementia
This last few weeks my anxiety has increased
I do juggle like most with care duties,my own business and menopause which has hit me hard.
Today was the worst. Struggling to get up and face what I have to face everyday. Seeing my parents decline and doing what I can through tiredness and guilt as having thoughts of not turning up and walking away

My grandmother always said ‘ there are never problems only solutions’. Which has been my mantra. Somehow I feel that I’m not the solution and feel unworthy , useless and all the other negative gremlins that jump on board
I have made an appointment to see my doctor via telephone but I know what’s coming. Tablets for depression

Has anyone on this forum spoken or give me details any person CBT
Apologies for her rant.


Hi Jay, first a big virtual (((HUG))) from me. I know how you are feeling.

Mum is right, you need to find a solution. You role has to change from being care provider to care manager.
There are a range of possible solutions, but it’s difficult knowing what is most appropriate until we know a bit more.
Pills aren’t the solution, extra help is! Apologies in advance for the following questions, there is a purpose behind each one, not random.

How old are your parents, and you?
Do they own or rent their home?
Do you live with them full time?
Do they have any other children?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Do you have Power of Attorney?
When did they each have their last Needs Assessment from Social Services?
When did you last have a Carers Assessment from Social Services?
Are they both receiving Attendance Allowance?

Hi Jay,


Well done for plucking up the courage to post.

It does sound like the time has come to get some outside care support for your parents, to take the pressure of you. If you are less stretched and tired you will be able to be their daughter who calls in to see them rather than their over-stretched, stressed daughter-cum-carer.

Work your way through BB’s questions and the advice can be tailored to their situation.

You can also read some advice here Needs assessment | Carers UK


PS when I was going through the change, I found making changes to my diet, really helped with flushes and night sweats. Foods and drinks that made me feel hot I cut out/down on (especially caffeine and treats high in sugar) and introducing regular soya (soya milk for my porridge, soya yoghurt at lunchtime etc) really helped too.

Hi and welcome
I won’t add anything to Bowlingbuns post as it’s important if you can to reply.
Here is a (((( hug))) and I am thinking of you. Have some understanding of how you feel.

Rant perfectly acceptable, tablets for depression/anxiety do help. I found Red Clover helped with menopause plus one other whose name escapes me for a moment! Ahh, Sage