Very worried sister

Specific disabilities and conditions
1

Hi
I am very worried about my sister, she is very unwell and currently under a section 2 in hospital. She has been newly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, she has been unwell before and previously had a diagnosis of Bipolar.

I can’t communicate with her; she is extremely aggressive (verbally and occasionally physically) towards all immediate family members this has gone on for months with multiple hospital stays for her. She has also isolated herself from her close friends. Due to her behaviours towards us, I sometimes refuse to see or communicate with her. However, she quickly will resort to saying ‘I love you’ ‘I need my family’ and accuses me of abandoning her.

When I try to reason with her and get her to understand why I am doing this she either ignores me or blames her behaviors on being unwell. She is abusive to me every single day, and can only speak about herself, she has no empathy for the impact her behavior is having on the family.

Professionals have advises the family to take a step back- however this appears to increase her aggression and resulted on a serious physically attack on my dad and a smashed window at our house (she does not live with us for obvious reasons).

This is effecting my whole life I feel I am constantly stressed and worried - I am also very worried about my parents who are in their 60s/70s and should be enjoying retirement.

Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate with individuals with BPD? Or how to help her? She is currently not on any regular medications and will not interact with medical professionals or her social worker. I understand DBT therapy is effective in treating BPD however she is not in the right headspace at the moment and declines any therapeutic intervention.

2

Hi Emma … a distressing set of circumstances to say the very least ?

My recommendation to you is to seek advice / guidance from the experts out there.

In this field , MIND stand out :

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/

( BPD page )

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/for-friends-and-family/

( BPD … for family and friends page ).

3

I think you need to be careful to protect yourself mentally from your sister’s current situation. I don’t know very much about mental health issues, but I have seen how manipulative someone with MH issues can be, and how it can wreck an entire family.

If she wants her family, then she needs to understand that she must behave in an acceptable manner.
As soon as she starts being nasty, put your coat on and leave. It’s not doing her any good, and it’s not doing you any good either.
The same goes for mum and dad.
Do you all live in the same house? If she is over 18 then she has NO RIGHT to live there.
She certainly has no right to smash the place up.
It is HER choice not to accept medication. In that case, she must take the consequences.
She is responsible for her own life and her own actions, as are you, and mum, and dad.
You can’t control her, only she can make herself better.
At the moment, she is probably not able to reason, so don’t try to do this at the moment.

Don’t let her manipulate everyone into her moving back in with you and your parents.

4

Thank you both for your responses.

My sister does not live with us at the moment but she lives in the same area. It is probably time to step back and I just hope she will start making a change and positive steps to recovery, I am just very worried as she has a history of suicide attempts that if the family stop visiting her she will feel even more isolated (I just don’t know what to do for the best :frowning: )

5

Your welcome … MIND ?