I am new here. I am a carer for my partner, who has complex PTSD. My partner had a mental breakdown in February, and I am finding everything very difficult at the moment.
I have no family nearby or support group, and I am also caring for my 18-year-old son, who has Autism and ADHD. On top of that, in the past 3 months I lost my grandfather, my grandma was hospitalised and needed emergency surgery, my brother had surgery due to suspected cancer, and then my mum also ended up needing emergency surgery.
It feels like something happens every single week, and I feel completely lost. I keep ringing different places for help, but I am constantly being signposted somewhere else, and no one seems able to actually help. I even referred myself to NHS Talking Therapies, only to be told that I am “not depressed enough”, while my partner is considered too complex for their service.
I work full time and feel like I have no safe space to escape from everything. Work is busy and demanding, and home life is the same. I am running out of steam.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? Having someone to talk to or share strength and support with would mean a lot.
@Moska …hello and welcome to the forum. You have a lot going on, I’m not surprised you’re struggling with it all. I don’t have experience with PTSD but hope you will find this forum helpful. I was a carer for many years for my deceased husband and this forum has been amazing. There are some great people on here and I’m sure you will find support here.
Hi @Moska welcome to the forum. I don’t really know where to start with all that you are dealing with. I really don’t know how you are staying afloat.
Does your work place provide access to mental health/wellbeing support? It’s worth checking as you may be able to access a series of sessions.
The other way you may be able to have talking therapies is via a carers assessment or an updated carers assessment if you have had one already:
Hi @Melly1 Thank you for your message. My work has access to 6 session of therapy for employees, I have my first on last night, it is CBT therapy to help me process my emotions as I didnt even have time yet to come to terms of what happened. All of it feels unreal. I can feel myself slowly drowning.
Wow you are definitely dealing with a lot so i can totally see why you are feeling overwhelmed and like you are drowning.
Do work know what you are dealing with outside of work? It might be worth letting your manager know just so they are aware. Its great you have access to talking therapy /cbt through them. My workplace have mental health first aiders to help as well - maybe something like this would be available.
Have a look at what you absolutely have to do and outsource what you can (get shopping delivered/ get meal boxes like hello fresh to take the stress out of thinking of what to cook/ engage a laundry service and/or cleaner.
Is there any sort of respite you can utilise for your son just to give you a bit of breahing space?
What kind of care and help does your partner need? Is there anyway that they could help out with small tasks around the house? Im guessing that with C-PTSD and a breakdown in February they are not currently working. Small achievable goals may be a way to help start working through things
I know its tough to take time for yourself when there is so much else vying for your attention but i think its important to make a little bit of space for yourself or you will burn out and not be able to help anyone. What are things YOU enjoy? It could be reading, swimming, a hobby etc. Try to take 5 - 10 minutes of a morning just to breathe and meditate, and the same in the evening. Try and take just an hour on a weekend day for something you enjoy.
Well done for signing up here, there are people with a wealth of information and resources you can access, and a friendly ear for you to vent and bleed off the pressure
Thank you for your message. We leaving on my wage alone so it’s tight, very tight. Not able to order food boxes. He started to cook a bit and if I leave him list of the things to do he will do some. My son jad ADHD and Autism, I am also his carer. He has couple of task at home He does but not able to help much as he is struggling with his mental health as well. I am so tired to keep asking, remembering and checking what was done what wasn’t. I feel so tired I have no energy to do anything that normally gives me pleasure. Lately nothing feels good. I feel already burn out. Even when I take long bath and start reading book which I normally enjoy a lot it doesn’t feel like is doing anything. My sleep is not existing. At this moment I feel like giving up on everything. How people are doing this long term? How will I find the strength. I feel like robot on autopilot just plodding along. I miss my old life so much. Mornings are the worst. I wake up and I know that I need to face another hard day.
I am going to visit my family in Poland end of June and this thought keeps me going. I will be able to be away from home take some rest. Hopefully that will refill my cup.
@Moska thank you for taking the time to teply to me. It definitely sounds like you are at burnout so no wonder you are finding things especially tough at the moment. Its really good you have a visit back to Poland booked next month - how long is that for? Are son and partner coming too?
I totally understand what youre saying about things being tight and surviving on just your wage - i am in the same situation. You may be entitled to some benefits. It is a long process to go through but it might give you a bit of breathing space financially. You may not have a brain space to be able to fill in the forms right now.
Many food box schemes run introductory offers etc so it might be worth keeping an eye out for something within your budget
I am glad that both your partner and son are doing some things but it doesnt sound like its enough. I leave a list for my partner of the things i need him to do - its something else for me to do initially but i do find that it helps him to have some small achievements each day, which improves his mental state. I appreciate its more tricky for you but it might help?
I hope you manage to find some support etc because you’re right. Caring long term can be incredibly difficult and you have to be wary of burnout
Hi Monika. You are an amazing person for achieving everything you are at the moment. Well done! I’ve no idea how you are managing but it’s a massive pat on the back from me. As other people have said- if you try to find 5-10 minutes just for yourself, maybe play a bit of music so you don’t need to concentrate but just for you.it may be that little release of steam from your head makes it slightly easier to keep going. I find writing to do lists helps me as my memory is nonexistent just now. If you can manage to batch cook then freeze in individual portions that might help financially and timewise. Maybe your partner and/or son could help preparing veg when they can manage too? It might improve their mental health if they can contribute to a family meal- a sense of achievement. I hope you find this forum helpful, as I have, and get more help that you obviously need. Take care. Sending a virtual hug- hugs are very helpful, to me,at least.x
I manage to book myself 2 days away from home, hoping that this little break going to help me catch up with sleep and recover a little bit. It is nothing fancy just a room in the same town but it is going to be away from everyone, where I can just stay in bed sleep, maybe read in between. I hope that little break with restore some of my energy to keep going.
I am sorry about you husband. Sending you love.