Staying calm

How do I manage to stay calm when my husband asks the same questions all night long?

Have some fun, give him a different answer each time. :wink:

If he doesn’t notice, it won’t matter what you say, they can be as nonsensical as you like.

What’s for breakfast? I think it was the Giraffe’s fault. :laughing:

OK, but seriously, what’s his problem? Is it just a deteriorating memory or dementia, has he had any tests for that?

Tracy, how much sleep are you getting???

If you are sleep deprived it is not possible to keep your calm. You need help. Have you got any care in place at the moment? Can you tell us a bit more and we will try to help?

I care for my Mum with dementia. She was lone carer for my Dad for many years, the latter of which saw her severely sleep deprived. It has done her own healthy no good. Please get some help. Sending hugs. xx

I feel for you makes you want to bang your head against the wall .
I find you need a different perspective ,just to get away “even on here is start”
Luckily I have to work to survive ,every cloud has a silver lining.gotta be nearby not where I would like to be kind of work
But that leaves me drained and sore, so maybe my patience does get a bit thin

His memory has been getting worse gradually over the last 8 years, he refuses to go to the doctors. He is 71 and I am 58 and still in full time employment. He has the odd night when he keeps me awake other than that it is just the countless questions all night from the time I get home until we go to bed.

Hi Tracey,
some members have been able to get reluctant carees to the GP by writing to/seeing the GP, explaining the situation and the GP then inviting them in for a “health check.” Might be worth a try.

You could try various strategies to aid his memory e.g. a diary/calendar, lists etc

Re giving you a break from the questions, does he have any hobbies etc e.g. listen to music with headphones, go to the pub with his mates, could you sometimes watch TV in seperate rooms, as the weather improves could one of you be pottering in the garden?


Hi Tracey

I think activity is the way forward. The more stimulation someone gets with memory problems the better. It can even improve memory. When Mum gave up caring for Dad she was in a dreadful state. Regular social interaction and routine have helped massively. Dementia clinic said her dementia has not worsened in 18 months since diagnosis. And whilst she still struggles she seems less confused.

Are there things you enjoy doing together that might take his mind of the constant questions? Jigsaws, crosswords etc are good. Although I appreciate that they are not everyone’s bag! Meeting up with friends is also good as will challenge him to hold conversations etc. Or something like an art class? Or as the nights get longer maybe a garden project? Anything really that will stimulate his interest.

Routine is also massivley helpful. This might also help you if you schedule some regular things for yourself in the evening. Exercise or an evening class or just a meet up with friends a couple of times a week. Will get you away from the situation and make you more able to cope. Set these in stone each week so that he gets used to them and they become part of a routine.

Diagnosis also helped me deal with the constant questions better as I was more patient when I knew it wasn’t Mum’s fault. Speaking to your GP on your own is definitely a good idea and see what they suggest. There are also drugs that can help slow progression as well as things like support groups whcih some people might find helpful. Is he worried about his own memory? Because at his age the diagnosis isn’t neccessarily dementia. The GP will test for any other underlying health problems that might cause memory problems. Also could he be depressed? Sever depression can cause dementia like symptoms.

Wishing you all the best as it is hard. But make sure you take care of yourself.