New to caring for wife with cancer

Massive cyber hugs :people_hugging:. I think Chris has covered what I would say about that SIL. Glad the half sister is sounding more reasonable, and thinking about what you need a bit more. That is what should be happening.
I hope the whole day (or most of it) is a good day for Kat, and you can spend all of it with her. SIL can’t dictate how much time anyone gets with her. That’s for you and Kat to decide.

1 Like

Please talk to your GP about having some pills to help you relax and sleep. I didn’t sleep properly for 8 weeks after my husband died, often doing accounts etc at 3am when everything seems bleakest. In the end I decided that whilst my head didn’t want pills, my body desperately needed them. Time for you to put your foot down very firmly. Kat is YOUR PARTNER and YOU say when you are visiting and the others must work round you. Also tell them to find somewhere else to stay so you get your home and peace to sleep, and cry at the injustice of it all. If they object, tell them it is NOT up for negotiation. Has Kat now signed her will? Please don’t avoid this. Kat will be on strong medication to keep her comfortable and so increasingly sleepy. When I had my kidney removed due to cancer I had similar medication, talking was impossible, but my hearing was perfect. My husband was alive then, and spent many hours sat beside me. Knowing he was there, holding my hand, was a great comfort.

2 Likes

@LisaP I’m glad that half sister is helping to take the load off.

Milo can probably smell Kat on you - from holding hands, for example. That will help, because it makes you important in the hierarchy. Some stability for Milo at a confusing time.

4 Likes

BIG hugs @LisaP I’ve caught up on the messages and I’m SO glad half-sister has more empathy and is doing things to support you.
I hope half sister can ‘run interference’ and be a buffer for you with SIL - I’m sure St barnabas, the chaplain team and macmillan are brilliant, so please do lean on them
Thinking of you and Kat and sending big hugs xoxo

2 Likes

She’s coming home!
They are working out the care plan but then she can come home. She’s so happy.
I felt so looked after yesterday by Z (half sister) she’s turned out be a lovely person.
My son told SIL last night that she’d need to move into a hotel when Kat comes home as she’d need peace and we’d need some time and space.
But she’s coming home and she’s happy about it. :blush:

5 Likes

Pleased to read this = treasure every second. I am glad your son is so supportive and agree the SIL needs to go into a hotel. You and Kat need quality time together.

2 Likes

@LisaP
So pleased for you both. It’s really good that Kats half sister is with you to support. Even better that your son has made it clear to your sister in law that she needs to move to a hotel. May I suggest that limit her visits to times that suit you. It’s still time YOU spend with Kat that’s important

4 Likes

Lisa, that’s great news.

2 Likes

So happy for you both, getting to have Kat home like she wants. The half sister sounds like a lovely person. Very pleased your son spoke to SIL too

2 Likes

Lisa I am SO pleased for you both. Just proved I am a soppy sod and burst into tears when I read that!! Graham wondered what was happening.

Great too that Z is backing you up so well. Also hat off to your son for telling S-i-L that she needs to sling her hook. He is right - it is your home and Kat needs peace, not have someone interfering and spreading doom everywhere. Great suggestion to limit visiting time as well. You plan around yourselves.

:people_hugging: :people_hugging: :people_hugging:

3 Likes

Lisa, I’m so pleased to hear that Kat can come home. Sending big hugs :people_hugging:

3 Likes

@LisaP Ohhh I’m welling up like @Chris_22081 this is such fabulous news…I really hate hospitals…
and wowser you did good raising that son of yours, Congrats on raising a strong protector, no small thing these days!
and yay for Z - you need an empathetic person to care for you when you’re caring for Kat…
you and Kat will have a strong little team…
When SIL is in a hotel and Kat’s home as @Pet66 suggests you can dictate visiting hours - no point in everyone being in the house all day.
Sending strength, hugs and little prayers that you and Kat can have stress free quality time together xoxo

1 Like

Kat passed away this morning.
Thank you to all of you for the support you have shown us. It’s very much appreciated.

I’m so sorry, Lisa. Sending cyber hugs.

2 Likes

@LisaP aww I’m so sorry Lisa, sitting alongside you, big warm hugs. We’re here for you.
much love

2 Likes

Hugs Lisa, Kat is at peace, free from pain. Remember this is a site for former, as well as current carers. Just ask if you need any help.

2 Likes

Hi Lisa.

So, So Sorry to read about Kat. Biggest, warmest hugs to you. Please remember your “virtual family” on here is available at all times to listen and talk and for you to rant at over the injustice of your loss.

Others have said that you will always be welcome here and we’ll offer support any time you need it.

I am sure you are in shock right now, so please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time and don’t be rushed into anything. Also remember it’s absolutely fine to be upset and to cry when you need to. Don’t think of anyone but yourself - and Kat - right now. You are all that matters.

She is now free to soar with the birds in the sky with no pain and no worries. She is always with you as long as you keep her in your heart.

:people_hugging: :people_hugging:

3 Likes

Can only send cyber hugs and echo Chris that Kat is now free from pain. Please take care of yourself, and yes, we are here whenever you need us.

1 Like

@LisaP
Sending you heartfelt condolences. Hoping you can find some peace in what is a very difficult time

@LisaP so sorry to hear your sad news. Kat is now at peace. Sending cyber support. Post as often as you need to.