Just so tired

Hi, I’m not a very frequent visitor but it is so good to know this forum is here for moments when it feels like I am not coping. It’s funny how it can hit without warning - I was fine this morning (or so I thought) and then we have a wee incident and I’m in tears and my head is thumping and I feel like running away and never coming back.

The major, life-threatening incident that occurred? - well, my Mother (mid-90s with Alzheimer’s) was cleaning the living room, which I am happy to let her do because it’s her normal routine and she likes to feel useful. I decided to help out by clearing the side table that sits next to her chair with all her bits & bobs on it. Only everything on the table is stuck in a gooey mess of syrupy laxative which has obviously been spilled at some point, heaven knows when. Books, hearing aid batteries, nail scissors, letters, cards, newspaper cuttings - all covered in horrid sticky goo. I head off to the kitchen to get stuff to clean it all up. When I return to the scene there is my Mother with a poo-stained bathroom sponge, scrubbing away at the mess. She is offended when I shoo her and her revolting sponge away.

It’s not that it’s a big deal in itself but it is the dripping tap effect. I am in my fourth year of this. She is still 70% herself, so it’s not like she doesn’t know what she’s doing - she just forgets a lot, doesn’t see so well and doesn’t care much about hygiene (never has). Now, I’m no clean freak or tidy freak, but it feels like every time I turn my back she creates new mess and it gets me down SO much. Like, why would you butter your toast on the work surface when there is a plate within easy reach? :-??? - a daily occurrence. Why would you get poo on the bathroom floor, then walk through it and trail it through the whole house? :pinch: - thankfully not a daily occurrence. When I try to discuss it reasonably she gets offended and asserts that it’s her house and it doesn’t bother her. Which is fair enough, but the only reason I live in her house is because she’s not safe to live on her own. :unamused:

I know it is a privilege to have this time with her and that I just need to suck it up because that’s just how it is, but I am so darned TIRED and my motivation to do anything much, even good things, has all but departed. It’s like, what is the point of washing those tea stains off the cupboard doors when in five minutes time she’ll have just replaced them with new ones. I feel like all my energy to stay on top of things is dissipating. So many things I have to do and no wherewithall to do any of them. Just shoot me now, someone!! :laughing:

Not looking for sympathy, just needed to have a wee self-indulgent and feeling sorry for myself rant!!! Better now, tally ho… time to take care of lunchtime rituals!

You have become what I call a Clapped Out Carer, doing too much for too long without a break.
What you don’t mention is any outside help.
Do you EVER get a break from this, to go for a walk, scream from the hilltops about the injustice of it all, or get drunk??!!??

Mum is mid 90’s, so you will probably be around my age, 67. It’s not just the parents getting older (I’ve lost all four in recent years, plus husband, brother, and sister in law) but it’s us as well.
My biggest problem is now that after 8 operations my get up and go has got up and gone, but I still have a 40 year old son with LD.
Although he now lives in “supported living” every time he comes home or I go to his flat, 15 miles away, I find more jobs.

Yesterday’s new jobs:-
Buy new shaver
Buy new work boots, he binned his old ones at his flat
Sort out his freezer - electrical fault meant everything has to be thrown away
Ring the letting agent to say what’s happened
Ring the care agency manager
The agency have also ruined nearly all the Tupperware I gave him by reheating food in the microwave in them!!!

I love my son dearly, and he loves me, but he should be called Job Creation Scheme!

I have one thing that is Non Negotiable. A 2 week holiday in the Greek Islands. Usually Crete, but also Milos. Two weeks of walking, eating, swimming, and most of all LAUGHING with friends. I come back feeling 15 years younger.
Inevitably it’s not long before reality strikes again, but whenever things get me down, I think about Greece, and smile.

If you love mum enough to care for her 50 weeks a year, you deserve a 2 week holiday.