Is that even possible

Newbie here… hi all
A few details . Full time carer of my partner for four years now and wouldnt change a thing . Shes totally dependant on me and theres no rehab pertential … its hard to talk to her about care for her if anythink happenes too me and impossible to get her to talk with help from outside … my question is how would i arrange state funded after care for her without her being involved. Or is that even possible .
Many thanks .
Sorry bout spelling …

Hi Nigel,
Difficult for people here to make suggestions without a few more details - such as ages, your partner’s illness/problems and so on. One thing I can suggest is that if your partner will not accept any outside help, that doesn’t apply to you. You can ask for a Carer’s assessment from SS and request that a meeting takes place away from your home. If your partner has a condition which a charity or organisation deals with, then a call to that particular body might help.
I suggest that your partner should be on someone’s radar, so that your fears that something might happen to you, should it come to pass, someone knows about her. I believe that there are such things as carer alert cards. I’m inventing that term but someone on here might recognise what I mean. Something you carry or wear that informs the person who drags you out of a canal (joking) that there is someone else who needs help.
It might be possible to inform/ask someone like a solicitor or maybe a GP.
Not quite sure what your apprehensions are. No family? Anyone else who you can involve?
Sorry, really hard to apply guesses here. I hope I’m not completely misreading your post. Please do not be offended if I am.

I carry a big note in my wallet all the time when my wife and I are out telling others where my wife is and that she needs help if I am unconcious or worse.
If she is in the car I tell where the car is and its description.


I have a son with severe learning difficulties, and I too am concerned about how he will manage without me.

He doesn’t live here any more, due to my own health issues, but I still do lots and lots of things for him that his carers don’t even realise he needs.

If your real name is Nigel, change it to something else so you are anonymous.

Planning for the future is desperately important, but sometimes it’s not appropriate to discuss with a caree. I would recommend counselling with a good counsellor (mine is paid for by the LA as one of my Carers Assessment outcomes).

When did you last have a Carers Assessment, and your caree, a Needs Assessment, from Social Services?

Using your computer, write down a list, FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, of everything you do for your caree.
Then another one listing all your fears, and perhaps what would need to be done when either of you die.
Not nice to think about, I know.
Some years ago I was facing a major operation. If it wasn’t successful, I had less than 12 months to live. I went shopping one Christmas knowing that I might not survive to see it, and I might be dead before the next one. Truly horrible, but I wanted to leave my family a final present of love, so I filled the freezer with all their favourite food in the few days I had before the operation.

My eldest son lives with me, and is 100% trustworthy.

I have written a Power of Attorney.
I keep my will up to date.
My son knows which funeral director to use, and my wishes for a simple funeral.
I want “Make your own kind of music” played at the service, as I have had an interesting life, despite having a son with LD. How a keen needlewoman who never learned to lift the bonnet of a car in the 8 years she had it, but went on to run a national lorry club, is still a wonder to me!!

If your partner would not be in a position to organise her future care, should you become unable to, why not write down all the information about her too?
Some things are easy, like her favourite soap, music, food.
Would you like her to be cared for in your current home? Is that possible? Much more difficult. A counsellor would be able to support you to go through all the options.