I have nothing to live for

I hate my dad. I am evil,Social services made me put him in a home last week. He has dementia,

I have lost everything!!!

I wrote my suicide note tonght but I am too weka and dcowardly to kill myself.

Here is my suicide note.

I didn’t want to kill myself but I have no option.

My dad has ben put in a home. All his money will be spent. I will get praqctically nothing!!!

I will never pay off my debt nd nver be able to retire. Work brings on my anxiwty and depression. I can;t carry on forever. So I have to die!

I have no chance of happiness because I have lost my one chance in life, I will never have any chance to get the same amount of money as my inheritance which I have lost forever!

My boyfriend doesn’t care, H =e called me a miserabld cow. He won’t let me move in with him so I will always be broke.

I wanted my inheritance. It’s my right!!! I hate Mrs Thatcher. She stole my inheritance. She brought in this rule. She has ruined my life from beyond the grave.

I have nothignand never will have any money. Not enoght to retire.

The Tories are going to win the election. Only Labour were giving free personal care but I suppose that wouldn’t have come in till dad had spent all his money!!!

So its all too late!!!"

PS What;s the point of living. If I domn’t kill myself I am planning on becoming an alcholic. I am drunk already.

Maybe I don’t really hate my dad. It isn’t his fault really it is the politicians and social services. I hate him when I am away from him but when I see him I feel pity.

My mum spent the last year of her life in a nursing home, it’s a difficult time. However, it’s not clear from your post if you have had any proper advice about how to pay for his care? Did Social Services do a financial assessment? Did he have an assessment for FREE NHS Continuing Healthcare? Anyone mention deferred payments? Attendance Aĺlowance? Funded Nursing Payments? Even your own age is relevant! Tell us more about dad, the care he needs, etc and we can make you feel that there IS a good future for you. Hang on in there!

Hi Joanne,

How are you feeling this morning?
Can you explain a bit more about your circumstances?
What were the circumstances of dad moving into a care home?

Having re read your message now I’m a bit more awake, I’m concerned that that Social Services did not follow the proper procedures. I made them repay £8,000 that they overcharged my mum, so if you tell us what happened, who did what, there is a chance we can find a new outcome.
I’m especially concerned that it sounds like you are going to be made homeless because dad has moved into residential care. That’s really set a lot of alarm bells off for me.

How old was dad? Presumably mum has died? Do you have any brothers or sisters.
As for the boyfriend, he clearly doesn’t care for you as a true partner. You deserve someone better.

Joanne you sound exhausted. I cannot add to Bowling Bun’s advice but I can relate to some of your post and the suicidal feelings. Please see your GP asap. Caring is the most mentally and physically demanding job anyone can do and it is natural to feel exhausted. Sending hugs. Please let us know more about your circumstances and then the suggestions will be more tailored to your situation.

I am sorry about the late night ranting. Thank you for the replies. I can give more details another time. At the moment I am at work but today I told my employer I was working from home and they were fine. So I suppose I better get on with work.


Hello Joanne. Thanks for posting in the Forum about your situation. I’m sorry to hear about how you are feeling and just wanted to let you know that I’ve sent you a private message with some suggested next steps which I hope will help.

If you click on ‘Private messages’ at the top of the Forum screen you’ll be able to see your message.

With good wishes


Joanne, please keep in touch.
The Samaritans are truly amazing! Please give them a call on 116123.

Please don’t apologies and please stay in touch. We are an understanding lot and will do all we can to support you.

Take care it sounds as though you have been through the mill.

Please take care of yourself.

Hello Joanne. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Right now I am sure things seem to be terrible, but I’m sure you can pull through this bad phase and enjoy a better life.

I am not trying to deny that the problems that are worrying you are very real, but some things do seem to be going in your favour.

  • You have a home. I don’t know what type of home this is but a roof over your head is one of the most valuable things in life. If you have fears you may be homeless soon then tell us a little more about it.
  • You have a job. So you have income. It’s probably not a small fortune but that also goes for most of us on this forum. It enables you to afford life’s essentials.
  • If your dad has dementia then a care home is the best place for him - for his benefit and also yours. There he will be cared for by professionals with the necessary knowledge and equipment. You cannot do as good a job yourself. You can visit him as often as you like but do not have the responsibility for caring 24/7. That cannot be bad. You need to give yourself time for yourself and time to sort out your problems, which I am sure you can do.

So some things are not so bad. Now let’s have a look at the things that are really worrying you.

You come across as acutely worried about your financial situation. Since Social Services helped you place your dad in a care home, how are they helping you? They should be aware of how this will leave you.

Where are you living at the moment? Is it Dad’s house, or do you have a flat; is it private or Council; have you been served notice to quit? Give us a few more details and we may be able to help further.

And as others have suggested, keep in touch with your doctor, who can assist with the state of depression that you are currently going through. People do pull out of these depressed phases and so will you.

Hello again, Joanne. I’m concerned that we haven’t heard from you for a while. How are things going?