I don’t know what to do

It’s been awful this week Tuesday night I managed about an hours sleep I have a baby monitor in my dads bedroom so I can hear him if he needs me or he gets out of bed ( I sleep downstairs because of my arthritis) all night he was saying she’s nasty she doesn’t look after me it was like on a loop all night long I just sat there and cried my daughter looked after him Wednesday for a few hours so I could have a break my son took me out for lunch we got back and she said he’d been lovely I came in what’s she saying about me she’s talking about me I’d gone and bought him some new pjs my daughter said his voice changed as soon as I came in I’d got him a shepherds pie for his tea he was eating it then my son left my dad said has josh gone yes he pushed the plate away I’m not eating that crap ok the dogs will eat it when it was bedtime I said come on it’s time for bed look at you you can’t wait to get rid of me you’ve been out all day enjoying yourself and left me here so most of the night it was the same she’s horrible to me she does nothing he was up at 4 demanding his breakfast my daughter brought my granddaughter at 7 as she was going to work he ignored her when she spoke to him she’s 3 he didn’t speak to us all morning then in the afternoon he kept saying will you shut up I’m sick of hearing you you’re always here and you don’t shut it don’t get any toys out so I took her in the kitchen to play 5 minutes later he came in you’ve left me in there on my own I took her away to give you some peace my daughter took her home at 5 I gave him his tea you haven’t pushed my chair in far enough so I moved it a bit peyote hurt my leg when I helped him get up ow you dragged me up when he went upstairs he banged his toe on the step ow you hurt my toe I don’t want to live here anymore I want to go into hospital they’ll look after me properly you don’t look after me you don’t feed me this morning I got up thinking I’m going to call social services cos I can’t go on and I couldn’t do it but I don’t know how much more I can take I do everything for him but it’s like he hates me

Gosh it’s awful when you have days like this. I had one the other day very similar with my mother. She moaned about being hungry and I too made Shepherds Pie and she took one mouthful and said ‘I’m not hungry’ When I questioned her about it she said she was hungry but not for rubbish food like that. I told her that this was what we were having that day and there was nothing wrong with meat, potatoes and vegetables and that the next day would be something different but that day it was Shepherds Pie. She seemed to accept it and ate most of it. She always complains if it is not ‘finger food’ where she doesn’t have to use cutlery even though she can use it. It just progressed into an evening that spiraled out of control for both of us. I ended up in tears. She said I was poison and that I did nothing for her and she would rather be in a home. At that point I was ready to call the home and book her in. I wouldn’t talk to her for the rest of the evening. It was more for my sanity as I understand she has an awful disease that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. She sat there in a mood for a while and then forgot everything that had gone on. I had to go to bed all tense with a splitting headache. I know I should have handled things differently but we are only human and there is only so much we can take. The next day I got her up and tried to keep a cheery tone and this set for a better day. I have tried not to let her comments affect me again and almost ‘go deaf’ to them. If I don’t bite she doesn’t seem to be able to go anywhere with her confrontations until the next episode when I can’t take any more. You will have good days and bad days and as you go on you learn how to handle the bad days a bit better for next time. Eventually they may just end up being looked after in a home or hospital but at least you will have done your best. You are a good person in a bad situation.

Thank you I know it’s awful to say but I’m glad it’s not just me sometimes you feel so alone but like you say you have to keep going even though I want to curl into a ball and forget everything

He’s destroying you. Time to look at residential care I’m afraid

I know he is bowlingbun I didn’t want to come home after going out for lunch my daughter said get some Carer’s in but as he gets up between 4 and 6 for his breakfast that wouldn’t be any good to me and as he’s up all night again they won’t be here so I don’t see the point