I know I am probably being oversensitive. But you know that ‘Karen’ meme online, where these horrible middle-class American women are just downright unreasonable and entitled? There are hundreds of YouTube videos telling stories about how ‘Karen’ was mean in the housing association group, or at the shop, or when she got into trouble with the traffic cops etc etc etc. I hate the ‘Karen’ meme - it’s my name and I find it deeply offensive. My husband watches them for hours on end on his phone. I’ve told him how much it upsets me, that he can watch these horrible things about women with the same name as me, his own wife, but - well, he’s very old, and almost certainly autistic. He tells me I’m being ridiculous and that he’ll watch them if he wants. I have no right to influence what he watches, he says.
I do so much for him - it really upsets me that he is so dismissive of my feelings. Sometimes I say I feel like I’m no more than a housekeeper. But that’s ridiculous as well, he says. Anything we say that he dislikes, is ‘ridiculous’ or ‘offensive’ to him. Does anyone find themselves in remotely the same situation?
Oh dear yes. My husband is 23 years older and has got far more ‘entrenched’ in his views coming out with ‘Wives should not go out without their husbands’. He is resentful of my friends and the social life I have tried to carve out, to keep my sanity. I have often wondered if my husband is ‘on the spectrum’ too as he seems to lack empathy. That said, if he has Frontotemporal Dementia then this would have damaged the part of the brain that involves feelings and has taken the ‘filter’ off.
Unfortunately, his outbursts makes it mega difficult socially especially at my Book Club. Hard to go out without him as terrified when he cooks as he has nearly set fire to the place and does sometimes leave the ring on. He is not always predictible as and when he cooks.
No advice as such. You are obviously highly intelligent but do you think Counselling would help? Do you WANT to stay with your husband and continue to care? Care needs tend to increase …
Financially I have no choice but to continue to care as I cannot afford to buy my husband out and he is nearly 86 with co morbidities. I see it purely as a ‘business relationship’. I use his state and private pension to pay for the upkeep of the house and this does mean I can avoid using my private pension. I do my best to keep him clean and medicated and fed but the non compliance is a real issue and the stress is frankly unbearable at times.
Do you think your husband may have some kind of dementia? Or maybe aging does exadgerate the more negative characteristics?
You really do have my sympathy.