Forced to care

Has anyone else experienced being forced by the council and mental health team, to care for someone, just because we have a tenancy with both our names on. I have recently split with my partner of nearly 20 years. He has mental health issues which have been aimed at me for years, and I had enough. He has been in hospital due to a severe episode and once he was released from there, and because he didn’t have an address, he was just dropped on our doorstep and I have been told that he has to live here. I am not allowed to talk to his mental health team as he has told them not to. So I am now unable to work, and have someone who is serious detrimental to my girls and myself living with us. Just wanted to know if there is anyone who has experienced this as have no one I am able to get advice from.

Hi Joanne … welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

Nobody can be " Forced " to care !

Expert advice strongly recommended … CAB for starters :

Housing issue … joint tenancy … SHELTER ( If the CAB cannot assist ) :

I would also add … as a matter of urgency … by their very actions , your LA have invited possible legal redress.

Hi Joanne,

you can’t be forced to care. You don’t have to give up work to care - write a letter to his GP/mental health team and state that although his name is on the tenancy, you aren’t prepared to care for him - go to work as usual. Treat him as a lodger - he needs to pay his way and care for himself until the tenancy issue is sorted.

I don’t understand tenancy law - as Chris says, seek advice from Shelter asap.

How old are your girls?


Thank you, I will certainly try those as social services and the council have been no help. My girls are 20, 15 and 7.

It there has been abuse involved, physical or emotional, it might be worth contacting Women’s Aid for advice? Also, go and see your GP and see if they will support you with regard to caring being detrimental to your physical and mental health.

I do think Melly’s advice is good but the reason I cannot go out and leave my husband alone is that I am frightened what he might do to the home as in leaving appliances on and letting bath overflow. I hope this is not the case with you and I totally agree you must not give up work. You have a young child so hopefully you will get this sorted.

Hi Joanne,

If you split up before his admission, where was he living afterwards?
Was it a voluntary admission to hospital, or was he sectioned?
Are you concerned about the safety of you or your children? If so, then contact the Children’s Department of Social Services as soon as possible, because they may decide that he must leave the home. I’m not an expert on this area, but your children’s safety should come before him. Are they his children?
Why can’t you go to work? Are you afraid of what he will do to the home, or does he need some personal care?
Did the hospital do a discharge care plan for him, and most importantly, a Carers Assessment for you?

I’m just trying to clarify exactly how best to help here, sorry if some of the questions seem a bit silly.

Thank you for your advice. When we split, he went to a family member but was hospitalized straight away. It was voluntary admission. I am unable to leave him if the children are here as they feel uncomfortable with his behaviour, and the meds he is on makes him do things like put empty kettle on the hob and wander off.
I contacted the children’s department and there exact words were, " what do you think we can do about it"
He came out with no care plan that I am aware of, but I am being purposely left out of anything to do with his treatment. I wasnt even asked, all I was told is that he needed to stay at ours for 2 weeks while they found him a place. I havent been contacted since and when I ring I am told I’m not allowed any information.


What has been their advice ?

He should have gone back to the family member, not you!!

Ring the CEO of the hospital and say that this was an “Unsafe Discharge”, no care plan, no carers assessment, putting your job in jeopardy, and your children’s welfare. Be sure to use the Unsafe Discharge words exactly.
Ask for him to be taken back into hospital as he shouldn’t be living there at all!