Flexible working request - confirmation requested

New to Carers Connect
1

Hi all,

The company I work for has gone back to 5 days in office, when I joined in 2023 it was a hybrid working pattern (3 days on site and 2 days WFH).
Its a 2hr drive each way. Early on when I joined 3 days on site quickly wasn’t feasible and I discussed with my line managers to do more days from home to support my wife who has rheumatoid arthritis (more details below). Over the last 2.5 years due to company re-orgs I’ve had 3 different managers, all who were fine with me doing more days from home and working 3 days at home and 2 on site. There has been no impact to my performance, team or role (minimal on-site presence is needed).

The flexibility allowed me to do nursery drop offs and pick ups for my son, look after him in the mornings before nursery, drop my wife to the station on days she has to commute, help my wife get changed on flare-up days, pain relief in mornings, and help her with other tasks on flare-up days (~8 days a month). Generally I do more and support her so she doesn’t have the psychical strain or fatigue. Given the reduced hours commuting I would also prepare all dinners and lunches, and do ~80% household chores etc. (however work doesn’t care about distance/chores but it adds more context to what I do at home vs. what my wife struggles with (cook/hoover/iron/mop/laundry etc.) These were all things I could do before logging in, I would also wake up earlier to log in so there would be no further impact to my performance.

I’ve submitted a flexible working request to keep my current working pattern as I know this works for the support I need to give to my wife.
Work are being very strict and refusing ALOT of requests, HR are being very difficult and asking for confirmation of my role as a carer or confirmation through a third party (through HR speech we’re not asking but basically if you don’t give it we wont take your application seriously)

Since the support I give does not affect my professional capacity I haven’t got any third party confirmation of my role as a carer. We’ve been able to cope without needing official status due to the flexibility of work.

What could I do in my position? I’m really panicking that I don’t have anything official or documented from a 3rd party.

I am planning to submit:
A letter of confirmation from my wife
Her PIP approval note (to show her condition requires support and reduced mobility verifired through a 3rd party DWP)
A letter from my GP where I’ve added a note on my file for being a carer for my wife
Hospital letter confirming wifes diagnosis and records of her feeling pain in the morning

Thank you, appreciate any thoughts or ideas.

2

Hi. Welcome to the forum.

I am a part time carer for my 99 year old Mum. Nearly 6 years ago, I was working at a school as a Science Technician and I requested part time working. I got a definite no from the headmaster. I approached the Union and even with their backing it was no. My union rep said one thing that stuck with me. You are an excellent employee and there are plenty of much better employers out there who will really value you and will accept your need to work part time.

She was right. I’ve worked at a vets for nearly 5 years. They have allowed me to reduce my hours further and buy extra weeks of holiday. I have changed my shift pattern and job role. In this way I’ve continued to meet my needs without getting run down. In exchange they get a happy, motivated and hard working employee. Win win.

I am not saying that you should look elsewhere (yet). Just that there are employers out there that really get the caring role and are adaptable. So if it doesn’t work out where you are, don’t give up hope. Good luck,

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As a carer you are “disabled by association” and entitled to reasonable adjustments.
That said, please consider getting extra help. How would your family manage without you? I had indigestion, hospital and major cancer surgery followed. Then my husband died suddenly. 3 months later I was disabled in a car accident.

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