Hi my name is Stacey I care for my mum who has hypoxic brain injury after suffering cardiac arrest 2 years ago and also care for my dad who just 6 weeks ago came out of hospital after a 6 month stay for various issues that we were told he would not survive and if he did he would be unable to move or think for himself ) thankfully he is able to but a further complication was him needing his leg amputated and therefore due to long time in icu and ventilator support etc he is at present bed bound needing support for all aspects of his care
I have 4 children and am struggling with feeling like I’m not doing any thing right
But also incredibly guilty about my feelings of upset anger sadness frustration and love !
How do you stay strong

With all that you have on your plate, whatever you’re doing is almost certainly plenty good enough, there’s nothing to feel guilty about at all.

Your four children really should come first: having two adults with all of their problems to look after as well is expecting too much of you.

So, what can you do about it? The first thing is that no matter how much you feel that you want to care for your parents or no matter how much you feel that you should care for your parents, you are under no obligation to do it, and you need a lot of help. This should have been arranged when they came out of hospital, and up to the first six weeks of the "Reablement Care is free. If their respective financial situation is not good then it will remain free, but is subject to a means test - if they have over £23.500 savings (as individuals), they will have to pay for further care after the free period.

Have both your parents had "Needs Assessments, and have you had a Carers Assessment?

If not, then get in touch with your local Social Services and ask for them to be done, it’s going to be difficult when you add in the Corona Virus effect, but you really have to make a nuisance of yourself with SS to achieve anything in normal times, let alone with CV19 in the background.

In answer to your question: I stay strong(ish) by only having one person to look after, and ensuring that I have at least a couple of hours “me time” every day, (and a bit more at this time of night after I’ve put my Wobbly to bed).

Hi Stacey, welcome to the forum

It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on there and i’m sure many of us can relate to feeling overwhelmed by caring responsibilities, especially now.

It would be a good idea to check you’re getting all the support you’re entitled to, have a look through our support pages here:

There’s also information about looking after yourself and finding personal support, joining the forum is a good start. Throughout Carers Week we are hosting daily online meet ups for carers to come together and share experiences and tips over a cup of tea. It’s very informal and friendly, you can register here if you’d like to join in:

Best wishes


This is an impossible situation.

One person simply cannot care for six people.

Contact social services urgently and tell them this. They should do an urgent assessment and put support in place.

With four children you cannot do all of this.

If you try you will be overwhelmed and your mental and physical heath will suffer.

You matter too.

Stacey I am absolutely appalled at the discharge of your dad, this should NEVER have happened like this!!
I guess the pandemic was used as an excuse, but you simply cannot carry on like this.
Did anyone ask if you were able to care?
Four kids home and no school is more than enough for any woman!!
Don’t even try to be Superwoman, start yelling for HELP instead.
Were you told about 6 weeks free reablement care?
Did anyone mention NHS Continuing Healthcare to you?

I was a multiple carer for years, then suddenly widowed, then nearly killed in an accident, then, almost inevitably, nearly had a breakdown because it was absolutely impossible to do what everyone one wanted me to.
Counselling helped me set my priorities. My brain damaged adult son had to take priority over mum, as he couldn’t speak up for himself, she could.
Likewise, your kids come first. Someone else must provide all the care for both your parents. Ring Social Services and say you just can’t cope, that he needs nursing care URGENTLY and do no allow yourself to be fobbed off with any excuses. Either they sort something out, or he needs to go back to hospital.
What is the GP doing?
Maybe go to see your GP and say how worn out and stressed you are?
Please don’t soldier on. My husband did, a few months after his dad died, I found my husband dead in bed from a massive heart attack. I’ll always believe that was stress related. Don’t let this happen to you.

I echo what has been said before. Are your mother and father living in their home or yours?

Me- time is very important, time on your own doing what you choose. Have you tried any mediation/ mindfulness, listening to relaxing music at all? That can be useful.

You certainly can’t do all of that caring yourself for a prolonged period. Your parents need social service’s care or CHC or disablement care, at home or in a disablement centre or care home.