Caring roles as a mother

Hi all,
I’m new to this forum. I am the mother of 4 children 2 who are autistic. I have devoted my life to my kids and have gone the extra mile with my boys to the point I would volunteer as a class assistant just so my son could stay in main stream education. My 2 sons are both at uni with the youngest one living in uni accommodation I’m finding it so hard, I feel like my heart has broken it’s like I feel like I dont have a purpose when hes away. I also have medical issues and this worry and anxiety are making me very down and struggling to cope. I want them to flourish and do what’s right for them but it’s so hard when you’ve been there 24/7 all these years.

Hello Ceri, welcome to the forum.
Empty nest syndrome! Lots of mothers feel it. Its painful, but eventually you will realise that you have every reason to be proud of yourself, helped your children to grow, and succeed. My lovely late husband recognised it in me, many years ago, and told me the same. Be proud!! I think he felt the pinch too. You are still there for them, even though they are away.

hi Ceri

I completely understand how you are feeling.

however, I can assure you that your son will always need you. ok, its not the same as when they are little, but they will always be your babies (as daft as it sounds) and always need their mum wherever they are. be proud of the job you have done with him and raised him to be independent and go to uni.

…but please don’t call them that, at least not while they can hear you - my mother used to introduce me to anyone new as her “baby”.

I was 51 when she died and she was still doing it then - it annoyed the hell out of me.

I would suggest a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, very cheap on ebay.
Really written for couples splitting up, it was much better for me when I was widowed than the other books I looked at.
Lots of exercises to help YOU look at your OWN life, and how to enjoy it again.
I now have various annual treats, like going on holiday in Greece (only possible as I was left money when relatives died, but I know they would be very happy for me), having a facial, hair treats, etc.
Make your children proud of a new, relaxed, happier self fulfilled mum.

I know how you feel. I’m a young mom of twins and one has a birth defect called spina bifida. During each of his hospital stays, I privately struggled. I even talked to a therapist during the first year as I was purely overwhelmed by his needs. Can you afford to see a therapist or not? It can be difficult, can’t it? Whenever he had a procedure, I wrote down my emotions in my private diary when I was alone. It helped me cope.

Hang in there! What are your hobbies? Now is the time to pursue them/learn a new skill as well. Do you enjoy tennis? For example I love crocheting so I recently picked up a guide for novices at a bookshop. The key is to find something you love. You need a break after all these years. Go to your local library and check out the books on art. When was the last time you went on vacation?

sorry ajay.
I did not mean to offend you. I did not mean that she should call him her baby, just that as a mother its a comforting thought.