I’m still barely managing. I don’t like to go home and avoid it until my partner is home. As an example, I finished work on Tuesday 14th at 4pm but only went home at 5:30pm when my partner had returned from work. We found his mother in a confused state with right sided weakness and slurred speech. He started to get wound up because she had told her GP that she had begun to notice blurred vision and poor balance and headaches on the previous Thursday but because she wanted to go to Scotland had refused to be seen. Something she had concealed from us both. To cut a long story short, I told my partner to call an ambulance whilst I medically managed his mother; she was very resistant and would not go to hospital. The ambulance crew arrived and we managed to persuade her to go on a Stroke pathway to Salford. There she had a CT Scan which was normal and her symptoms began to resolve. They diagnosed her with FND and discharged her at 3am. She has an appointment with her GP tomorrow at 10am.
My partner has gotten home today from work and his mother has had another fall whilst going to the toilet and injured her foot and back. She crawled up the stairs. She now lay on the couch with huge bruising to her foot and ankle.
I’m getting very worked up as this is a weekly occurrence now, almost every other day. We haven’t heard anything else from social care and it’s getting harder and harder to manage. I feel as though my partner is not focusing enough on caring for his mother. He was in London all day Monday and Tuesday and today he was in Liverpool. So she’s had very little supervision or assistance all week and he has not put anything in place that could have mitigated any of these risks.
I don’t know what to do.
Can she get in a car?
To be really brutal you could put her in a car, take her to Social Services, and say she’s all yours now.
She has NO legal right to be living at your home. It’s YOUR home, where you should be able to chill out, listen to your music, do your own thing, and shut the rest of the world out. You shouldn’t be afraid or reluctant to go home because she is there. That isn’t what a home is all about.
She should never have moved in to start with.
You are heading for a breakdown if things carry on like this.
Better to move her out before rather than afterwards?
I would also question your partner’s genuine commitment to you if he is behaving like this?
I’m so, so sorry that it’s come to this, however it’s clear that nothing is going to change until YOU force it to change. She won’t, your partner won’t, so it leaves you.
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I’m sorry to hear she now has an FND diagnosis. That’s the main issue my partner has, and he does need a lot of help. It’s a strange condition with a lot of variety in how it presents, but falls are quite a common one. My partner went from manual labour work to using rollator/wheelchair and not safe picking up medium cartons of milk. If he didn’t have the rollator he would fall a lot more. He isn’t safe to use the cooker or kettle either.
Your partner will need to sort out something more suitable for his mother’s ongoing support and well-being. It’s not fair on you putting that additional pressure on you, it’s your home, where you should be able to relax.
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Hi everyone,
I’m still lurking here and I sometimes come to read back the amazing advice to help me through when times are difficult.
Update on MIL and FIL. They’ve found a property to rent and should be signing the contracts on Wednesday! There’s light at the end of the tunnel!! I feel so guilty for being happy about that but in terms of prioritising myself it’s a huge step.
So we believe that either next Friday or the first Friday in July, MIL should be ready to move to this new property in Scotland. My partner has already informed his work so that he can have the time off short notice when they know for certain a date.
My main issue at the moment is MIL goes between being maniac, really excited about the move with lots of plans and ideas, to being very depressed although I’m not quite sure what the trigger for that is. For me it’s hard to manage and I have to remind myself that in this forum it’s for me to seek advice for myself.
I am scared. I’m terrified that something will happen and this move won’t happen. I don’t believe she would sabotage it in any way but I think due to her past behaviour it might be on her nature to be self destructive. My partner is at the point where he wants her gone as well so I don’t think he would extend her stay with us.
How to I manage to get through the uncertainty of the next couple of weeks when I’m on high alert, there’s high risk, and she’s having these mood swings? I would ordinarily have the resilience but my tank is empty at this point.
Last few weeks I’ve been staying at friends and my parents, under the guise of catching up with them. I’m running out of excuses and escapes.
@MBrown Stay away from the home until MIL has moved. It’s not an excuse or guise - it’s simply you cannot do anymore and you’re protecting yourself, for your own sake after everything that’s happened. There is nothing to feel guilty about - although I’m sensing you’re feeling that…you have a busy job and you can’t put things at risk - esp not your health…you’ve gone MUCH further and beyond what you can do…it’s time to disconnect, recoup and leave the responsibility to your partner - glad to see he is doing the doing now…his family need to do stuff too…
For their sake, and MILs let them figure it all out - it’s how the next chapter needs to start - in my humble opinion…WITHOUT you being involved in MILs behavior or new living space…
I think if I remember from your posts - you’re fabulous at fixing and juggling and get everything sorted…so your high alertness is itchiness to get primed and ready for an emergency (also a healthcare professional’s modus operandi!)…let the itch to ‘do something’ pass
Sorry if that’s a bit harsh and direct but if you get sucked back in, you’ll be in a continuous looping again…
If you need an excuse say that a good friend is ill or needs your help - a little lie can help, or a big project at work or say anything and stay with friends or take yourself on a little respite holiday too far away to be tempted to return to help…you’ve the choice and decision here and we’re here to cheer you on and support you…
Whatever happens we’re here, there is no right or wrong when you have support.
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I would be desperate to see her go. I would be tempted to take some leave and help her pack well in advance, maybe even sending her stuff ahead, leaving her with just a “cabin bag” of things for the last day or two so that she has to follow her stuff! Organisation skills are clearly not her strong point so I would INSIST she packs in advance, maybe saying I know that packing is a struggle so let me help you. I’d even ask the GP to give her some medication to calm her nerves. I might even take her myself to make sure she goes!!! If necessary I’d do ANYTHING to make sure she goes. Think about washing her stuff then packing it away in a case ready for the move perhaps. Then putting everything packed in the garage, locked so she doesn’t unpack it again. Do NOT let her procrastinate so long that she doesn’t move because she isn’t ready.