Hi
So I have finally admitted I have a problem but I absolutely do not want to even look in the general direction of a therapist. I’m hyper aware of my behaviors now and realize I’ve been putting a lot on my soon to be husband. When ever I say things I say them, in what I’ve come to realize, is possibly the worst way possible because of how forward I am. This leads to miscommunications, frustration, and for me sudden fits of rage. I began to notice it two years after graduation when I staked out on my own stubbing my toe or something going wrong. The reaction was always mild anger for me, but now if it takes too long for me to tie my shoes I grit my teeth and feel an overwhelming sense of rage, like if I had the power to evicorate my shoes with eye beams I would. Because I am semi rational it lasts a few moments and slowly subsides and I don’t take it out on my husband physically because that would be wrong and I love him. I also feel shame and even disgust at the idea of taking it out on anyone because as a child I was struck by my parents and would never want someone to feel the way I did then. More or less I’m trying to determine how to handle this; getting so mad I can hear the blood rush to my head, kind of anger at even the most tiny of inconveniences. It can’t be good for my over all health nor my mental sanity. I also don’t want to burden my husband with it either because if anything adding another person might make it worse since the catalyst is external. How should I manage these sudden fits of rage? What are good ways to mitigate this from happening at all? How can I just chill out?